What happened on P4X234?
by SG-Fan
Summary: What happened during that week that Jack, Sam and Teal'c were stranded on P4X234? Spoilers for Nemesis and Small Victories! Rating changed for safety. COMPLETE! IN THE PROCESS OF BEING BETA'D!
1. Thus begins the week

Title: What happened on 94X-234?

Title: What Happened on P4X-234?  
Summary: What happened during that week that Jack, Sam and Teal'c were stranded on P4X234? Sam/Jack/Team  
Rating: T for safety.  
Pairings: Sam/Jack  
Genre: Comedy, Action/Adventure, Romance  
Spoilers: The first four seasons- especially for Nemesis and Small Victories!  
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 does not belong to me. I make zilch profit writing this… except for the grins I get from reading my reviews.

A/n: This came to me after watching Small Victories for the hundredth time. This story is not to be taken seriously- it's a comedy, for cryin' out loud!

(Grin!)

* * *

**On the Asgard ship _The Belisknor_...**

"CARTER!" Colonel Jack O'Neill yelled impatiently; he was getting more and more worried as they hurled ever closer to Earth's atmosphere.

"Now!" Sam cried from her position next to the Stargate, taking out four Replicators as they swarmed ever closer.

Jack pressed the bomb trigger. It exploded and the Belisknor started an uncontrolled re-entry into Earth's atmosphere…

**Stargate Command Control Room **

Major Paul Davis was talking frantically into the phone. "I understand that, Captain, what I need to know is _what do you see_! Do you have a visual?" He listened for a second then looked up. "Tenth's squadron's airborne on intercept course." he informed General Hammond who gave him a small nod.

Walter Harriman's eyes widened as news came through his headset. "Sir," he began hesitantly, "the target has changed heading! It's dropped out of controlled entry vector… The target is breaking up!"

The control room burst into applause; the Pentagon officer gestured for them to be quiet as he received a new message. "We have visual confirmation. A fireball heading for the Pacific Ocean. Four hundred miles off the coast of California!"

General Hammond gave Daniel a concerned glance._ But what of the fate of SG-1? _was the silent question that passed between them.

Davis glanced at the General. "Naval recovery teams are moving in to deal with any wreckage."

The archeologist looked at Major Davis who continued, "I'm sure you were right, Dr. Jackson. The point of commandeering the Stargate _had_ to be an escape."

Daniel looked at the gate room; the Stargate was still being set up. "I just hope they made it out on time," he said quietly.

And no one argued with him.

_**A week later...  
Stargate Command's Control Room**_

"Receiving SG1's IDC, sir!" Sergeant Harriman called triumphantly as the screen flashed with the 'approved' sign.

"Open the iris!"

Daniel didn't wait for the General to go first; holding his side slightly, he ran into the gate room, Hammond only a few steps behind.

The wormhole rippled and the three members of SG-1 stepped through; they appeared to be in excellent healty.

"Well, it's about time!" Jack complained as he spotted his commanding officer.

"We've been dialing home for over a week," Carter commented, making her way to the bottom of the ramp.

"Oh…it's great to see you guys too!" Daniel said sarcastically.

"I am pleased to see you well, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c informed him, giving the archeologist a pleased smile.

"Thank _you_, Teal'c," he said, returning the smile. He eyed his friend's goatee for a moment. "You've got a…" he began, reaching to touch it.

"Don't touch it," Jack warned quietly. Daniel dropped his hand and Teal'c gave him another smile.

"I'm glad you made it, SG-1," Hammond said sincerely, unable to control the broad grin on his face.

"Where's the fanfare, General?" asked Jack curiously.

"We did kind of save the planet, sir," Carter offered her one hundred mega watt smile.

"Again," Jack reminded him. "This should not get old, General."

General Hammond smiled. He had missed Jack. "Job well done!"

"Thank you, sir…it was nothing." the Colonel modestly answered.

"What happened to Thor?" Daniel inquired, hoping the small Asgard was all right.

"We got him out in a stasis pod-" Carter began.

"And it was retrieved when we passed though the Stargate on P4X-234." Teal'c finished.

"It must have had a locating beacon," Carter murmured thoughtfully.

"They left you behind?" the General asked curiously.

Carter glanced quickly at her CO and then back. "We were fine, sir," she hastily assured him.

"I'd be happy to debrief you all after I've debriefed myself for a nice hot shower," Jack offered.

"Permission to shower granted. In fact, I _insist_ on it, Colonel."

Jack looked over at Daniel. "Bad?" he asked quietly.

"I wasn't going to say anything."

_**Later... Major Samantha Carter's lab**_

"What ya doin'? " Jack asked, peeking through her magnifier.

Carter smiled as she set down the small piece of metal she held and looked up. "They salvaged a couple of Replicator pieces from the ocean. I thought I'd have a look."

Jack stood up. "Is that wise?" he asked, understandably concerned.

Carter gave a slight shrug. "Well, there's no discernible energy being emitted. I think it's pretty safe to say they're dead. Besides, it's only just a couple of little blocks." She leaned back in her chair.

"Well, I'm off…" Jack trailed off meaningfully.

"Still going fishing?"

"Yep…" he cocked his head. "Still staying here?"

Carter nodded. "Yeah... I think I've had enough relaxation for a while, sir," she muttered wryly.

Jack gave her a small wink. For the Major, the 'week' hadn't been quite as much fun as for him… "Okay."

"Have fun."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Yeah-sure-you-betcha!" he called over his shoulder as he left the lab.

Carter turned back to her fascinating Replicator blocks; the phone rang a second later. She grabbed it. "Carter." She paused, taking in what she was hearing. "Yes, sir." Hanging up, she raced out of her lab after her CO. "Sir, wait!"

"Deja vu! " he cried, turning around. He risked a glance heavenwards and then looked at her, a quizzical expression on his face.

She smiled and said, "General Hammond just called. Major Davis is on his way back from the Pentagon. He'll be here within the hour."

"Not going fishing?"

"No, sir." she stepped past him and made her way up to the briefing room.

"D'oh." he muttered, following her.

**  
Part 2**

"The Pentagon wants to hear our briefing?" Jack asked curiously. "Aren't they going to be reading this in… a week?"

Major Paul Davis shifted slightly. As youthful as it sounded, SG-1 were his heros. How they managed to get themselves out of yet another predicament was fascinated him. "I uh... wanted to hear it, sir."

Davis was on of the people at the Pentagon who supported the Stargate program; General Hammond thought it best to oblige the Major's request, even if it was a bit unusual. Besides, he thought he guessed Davis's motives. "Go ahead, Colonel."

"Where to start..."

"How about your escape from the ship?" Davis suggested eagerly.

Jack smiled. "Well..."

**Å**

_Jack hit the trigger and followed his team through the gate. On the other side, they could only hope it had succeeded… _

**Å**

"We blew the C-4 and headed through the gate. On the other side, we just waited for the gate to be set up." He smiled, hopeful that he could still go fishing. "Finished."

"Could you elaborate?" Paul Davis asked after a moment's hesitation.

"Why?"

"Colonel O'Neill, please." General Hammond 'requested'. The stern voice made Jack sigh and wearily mutter:

"Once through the gate..."

**Å**

_"Think it worked, sir?" Carter asked as she dropped her backpack to the ground and began rummaging through it, looking for bullets. P4X-234 has been deemed a safe planet but one never knew._

_"Carter," Jack began, as casually as he could, "we could possibly be stranded on here for weeks... call me Jack." _

_"Sir?"_

_"Sir is stricken from your vocabulary as well."_

_Carter couldn't help but grin. Her CO seemed positively... giddy! Saving one's world does tend to make you feel good. She nodded. "Yes, s-Jack."_

_He gave her a Cheshire cat grin. "Excellent."_

**Å**

"I ordered Carter and Teal'c to help me set up a makeshift camp."

**Å**

_"Carter, we are **not** sleeping in that." _

_"Come on, sir," she teased, a sparkle in her eye, " Where's your sense of adventure?"_

_Jack eyed the 'house' with skeptism. It had obviously been made a VERY long time ago and had been abandoned almost that long ago. "It's falling apart!"_

_"It is most unusual to see a house suspended between two trees." Teal'c commented._

_Jack continued to eye the house. It was about the size of his cabin and was suspended midway between two huge trees that were bigger then Earth's sequoia trees. A curious 'staircase' led up to it, the staircase being carved into the tree. "There's gotta be a thousand steps," he grumbled._

_Without a glance backwards, his second-in-command began up the steps. Jack watched her for a moment before yelling,_ _"Carter!"_

_"Yes, Jack?" She didn't stop, just kept winding her way up._

_"What are you doing?"_

_She didn't answer for a minute- she was on the other side of the tree. "Climbing the tree," she called once in sight again._

_"**Why**?"_

_"I'm sleeping up there."_

_"Why?"_

_She stopped for a moment and flashed him a brilliant smile, her white teeth noticeable even from that height. "I always wanted to sleep in a tree house." _

**Å**

"We found a structure that served admirably," said Teal'c stoically.

**Å**

_Jack groaned and followed his 2IC up the tree. She looked down from her position halfway up the stairs. "So far I count five hundred and three stairs," she announced cheerfully._

_"Carter! This is bad for my knees!" he complained. Still he ploughed on. Three hundred twelve…_

_"O'Neill!" Teal'c called from the ground. Jack halted and looked down. Teal'c looked like a doll from his present height. _

_"Yeah?" he called, curious that the Jaffa hadn't started up. "What's the problem?"_

_Teal'c moved a small stone and a beam transported him up to the small house. "Nothing, O'Neill," he shouted down from the balcony. _

"_Oh for cryin' out loud!"_

**Å**

"It had advanced beaming technology," Jack mumbled, "It beamed Teal'c right up to the house."

"Up?" Hammond questioned, "House?"

"Yeah…" The Colonel realized that they hadn't explained their shelter yet and quickly added, "There was one suspended between two trees, sir. A tree house."

General Hammond nodded his understanding. "Continue."

"Well, the Asgard had left some supplies for us..."

**Å**

_"Teal'c any food up there?" Jack yelled. According to Carter, there were still four hundred more steps to climb. He stifled a groan and continued on his way._

_Teal'c appeared on the balcony on the house. "Indeed." The Jaffa's voice floated down to he Colonel's grateful ears. " There are much of your frozen confections up here. There is also Major Carter's blue gelatin, your pie and various bread and sauce meals with cheese and other toppings."_

_Jack contemplated this. "Pizza?" _

_"Indeed."_

_Carter reached the balcony and sighed with relief. Teal'c handed her a bottle of water and a plate of pumpkin pie. She began eating it as Jack wound his way around the tree. He paused as he caught sight of her, perched on the railing. She waved the piece of pie at him._

_"Carter!"_

_She took a huge bite. She wasn't particularly fond of pie but… "Sir... Jack?" _

_"THAT'S CRUEL!"_

_Sam shrugged and then relented. She broke it in half and dropped half to him._ _He tried to catch it but missed._

_"YOU WASTED GOOD PIE!"_

_She shrugged. "There is still a piece left!" she called._

_Jack gave her a big grin. At that she couldn't resist adding, "But... not for long!" _

_" CARTER!" he whined, "That's insubordination!"_

_"You told me to take it easy!" she reminded him._

_"Did not."_

_"Did too!" _

**Å**

"Carter, Teal'c, and I, once we reached the house safely, checked it out, and found it safe."

**Å**

_Jack jumped off the step onto the balcony, sending twinges of pain up and down his leg. He frowned at his knees and went to find Carter. He found her and Teal'c jumping up and down on the floor._

_"What's going on?" he asked._

_"We are dancing, O'Neill, could you not tell?" Teal'c said as matter-of-factly as if he often danced around. _

_Jack vaguely recognized the bunny hop. "Yeah, looks great," he said sarcastically._

_Teal'c bowed his head. "It is an most unusual dancing ritual."_

_"Didn't know you danced, Carter." Jack watched with amusement as the Major blushed._

_"I don't now, sir," she explained quickly, "I was enrolled in ballet until my mom finally got that I didn't want to be a ballerina. She insisted on 'International Folk Dance'. I danced for six years."_

_"Why'd you stop?"_

_She paused. "Her death."_

_Jack winced. Duh, Jack! "Sorry." he muttered._

_"That's okay." She stopped and grinned. "Now we know the floor is safe!" _

**Å**

"Then what did you do?" General Hammond asked, his voice cutting through Jack's reverie.

"We..." Jack stopped and turned to Carter, "What _did_ happen next, Carter?"

"We made dinner."

**Å**

_"I thought you said you could cook!"_

_"MRE'S!" Sam stepped back, eyeing the stove with loathing. There was a reason she put up with the commissary's food._

_Jack eyed the black mess in the frying pan and shook his head. "Okay, I'll cook. I'll make my famous omelets. With my special ingredient."_

_She raised her eyebrows._ _"Beer, sir?" she guessed, watching him search through the mountain of food. (The Asgard apparently thought that humans consumed as much food as elephants.)_

_He stilled. "How'd you know?" he asked, disappointed._

_"I've heard stories."_

_"From whom?" _

_"General Hammond."_

_"George talks to much," he grumbled._

_Carter scanned the food supply and grabbed a long box, sending the top boxes flying. Jack ducked before he could be brained by the canned pineapple._

_"CARTER!"_

_"Sorry, sir," she muttered, preoccupied. "**Diet** soda," she whispered, clutching the box tightly._

_Jack threw a candy bar at her. "You are too weird," he muttered as he moved the pasta bags, still searching for his beer._

_Carter calmly opened the box and pulled out a soda. After along drink, she reached over and poured the rest of it all over Jack's head. _

_Jack looked up. "What was that for?" he sputtered, diet coke dripping down his face._

_Carter grabbed a granola bar, horrified at what had come over her. What **had** come over her? "I think I'll go..." she began edging out of the room._

_"Carter..."_

_"Bye sir! See you later!" _

_Jack lunged for her. _

**Å**

"We took baths," she continued.

"Why is that?"

"The Colonel collided with my soda," she said, giving Jack a daring glance. Let him contradict her in front of everyone... it'd just make things more awkward.

**Å**

_Carter beamed herself down and headed for the beach as fast as she could._

_"Teal'c!" Jack roared from the balcony as he searched frantically for the device that would send him down. "How do you get down?" _

_Teal'c appeared. "Move that stone, O'Neill," he directed._

_"Thanks," he muttered. "See ya!" he cried once on the ground. He started off in hot pursuit of his pretty 2IC._

_Teal'c watched him run. 'Perhaps I should assist O'Neill,' he thought transporting himself down. _

**Å**

"So you went swimming in an alien lake?" Paul Davis asked. scandalized.

"Well, yeah…" Jack trailed off, not wanted to elaborate. "General-"

Hammond gestured for him to continue. He sighed. "Well…"

**Å**

_Carter was running faster then she had in a long time. A quick glance revealed Jack very close behind. She shrieked and kicked off her shoes. Seconds later, she was knee deep in the water, Jack right behind her._

_Teal'c watched his female team member plead for mercy. O'Neill obviously did not believe her excuse that it was an 'accident'... _

_"Jack, I'm so sorry, here, I'll wash it all out," she began._

_He blinked. "You'll wash my hair…"_

_She shrugged. "Yeah."_

_Jack nodded in agreement, thinking meanwhile, 'What am I? A sick creep? She's like ten years younger then me for cryin' out loud!' _

**Å**

"My hair being washed, we headed out of the water and turned in for the night."

**Å**

_Carter had quickly and efficiently washed his hair. She had just finished when Jack did the ultimate evil thing- he ducked her. She came up sputtering to see him running full speed for the tree house. She clenched her teeth and started after him. He was already up in the house by the time she reached the spot. With a sigh, Sam beamed herself up only to an extremely curious sight._

_A large Jaffa dancing the 'Hokey Pokey'... music blaring._

_"Where'd he get the CD player?" she whispered._

_"I don't know," he whispered back._

_Carter yawned. "Suddenly I'm very sleepy," she informed him._

_Jack pointed to the heap of sleeping bags and pillows in the corner. "Whoever picked up Thor did a good job outfitting this place. It has EVERYTHING!"_

_"Shower?" she asked eagerly._

_"Just might," he replied with a smile. _

**Å**

"That's all?" Daniel asked as if he suspected his friends of holding back details.

Jack nodded, his face a blank mask. "Yes."

**Å**

_Carter walked out of the 'bathroom', shaking her hair. "Sir, it's opened!"_

_"I'm gonna skip!" he called from a back room. _

_Carter went hunting for him "What in the world..." she began as she walked in. They had built a HUGE slide, using crates, boxes, pillows, and blankets. They were using snow sleds to sail down._

_"Carter, come on, it's fun!"_

_She watched as Teal'c made his sled slide to a stop. He got off and handed it to her with a low bow. "Major Carter, we were only given two of the devices. Please, enjoy yourself."_

_She smiled. "Thanks, Teal'c, but I'll-" _

_"Oh Carter, where's your sense of adventure?" Jack called, mimicking her words from earlier._

_She gritted her teeth and 'dragged' her sled up the slide, then, with a great push, sent herself sliding down._

_"WOO, CARTER!" he cried, clapping wildly._

_An hour later..._

_Teal'c watched as his two comrades fell asleep. He permitted himself a small smile. Major Carter was happily snuggled around several pillows, on top a small hill of sleeping bags. O'Neill had watched herself fall asleep then permitted himself to slumber. Teal'c returned to his kelnoreem with a big smile, rather pleased how their unusual day had turned out._

"Jack?" a voice asked. The Colonel started. Looking up, he saw everyone's eyes fastened on him.

"Nature calls, sir," he said abruptly, "may I be excused?"

General Hammond nodded and Jack dashed out of the room. They all could have sworn that he burst into laughter once beyond the doors...

* * *

Italics represent their thought process.

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	2. Golfing and Fishing

**_Wow, I had an amazing amount of reviews! Thank you SO MUCH for reviewing!_**

**_Answers to questions asked: _**Trunks Ichijouji: yeah, they are a bit childish :-P, Aligewe: laughter explained in this chapter, BookWorm37: I agree.. as one call tell from this chapter..., pink-panther32: nope, wasn't intentional..., primax: thanks, enjoy your holidays!

**_Previously on Stargate SG-1..._**

"Jack?" a voice asked

He looked up "Nature calls sir, may I be excused?"

General Hammond nodded and Jack dashed out of the room. They all could have sworn that he burst into laughter once beyond the doors...

**_And now... the continuation!_**

* * *

Jack hurried to a little used storeroom and sat down for a long laugh. He remembered one little detail they had all 'neglected' to mention...

It had started out simply with Sam looking for a 'good' pillow...

_"Carter... what the heck are you doing?" as she sent yet another stack of pillows flying_

_"I'm trying to find a good pillow"_

_"Why?"_

_"I can only sleep with a good pillow"_

_"Why?"_

_"I don't know" she said with a shrug "I just do"_

_"I'll help you" he said getting to his feet_

_"No offense sir, but I don't think you can" she said throwing a pillow "How many did they give us?" she asked frustrated_

_"CARTER! IT'S A PILLOW! RELAX!"_

_She looked up "Sorry sir" she mumbled_

_"Relax, here let's have a pillow fight"_

_"Uhh... I'll pass but thank you..." she stopped as a pillow came at her. She ducked_

_"Sir! You're messing up my piles..." she began stepping backwards and tripping over the 'soda pile'. With a yelp, she went down_

_"Carter?"_

_Silence greeted him_

_He was on his way over to her when the light went out and he tripped. One of his arms connecting with Carter's bum..._

_"HEY!" she screamed lashing out_

_"Oh my god Carter, I am so sorry!"_

_"Sir?"_

_"Yeah, it's me"_

_"Sorry" she muttered_

_"That's ok"_

_They sat there in silence_

_"Uhh sir?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Could you move your arm?"_

_"Right" and with that he scrambled up. A second later, the light went back on and a disappointed looking Jaffa stood in the doorway_.

* * *

They were all waiting impatiently for Jack to return when the door flew open and he hurried in

"Sorry sir, where was I?"

"You had just retired"

"Right... well... we were waken up by a loud bang..."

_Jack jumped to his feet, automatically grabbing his P-90. He glanced over at 'Carter's corner… she was gone. Teal'c was still kelnoreeming in the corner..._

"Sir, please, this isn't necessary" Carter cut in

"Oh I think it is," he said recalling the incident

_Jack hurried out onto the balcony to see a strange site. Major Carter was holding on for dear life. Beneath her, several hundred feet, was a small portable stove..._

_"Carter, what the hell is happening?" he asked_

_"Pull me up sir!" she begged_

_"He gave her a hand and pulled safely to the top when the stove exploded._

"Major Carter had attempted to bake something... however she used rather unorthodox ingredients to light the stove and it exploded"

Carter looked away, blushing

"Like what?"

She barely looked up "I couldn't find the alcohol to power up the stove so I used a speck of Naquadah… and some beer"

"Beer?" General Hammond asked skeptically

"Apparently together they create a explosion" Jack said

"How on Earth did you get Naquadah?"

"I uhh... disabled a zat'niki'tel sir"

"I see..."

"Anyhow, we went around our day as usual" Jack said taking pity on her

"Nothing unusual happened?"

Jack smiled "I wouldn't say that..."

_"Golf clubs!" Jack cried gleefully_

_"Sir, there isn't a course on here"_

_"So, we make one"_

_"I don't think so sir"_

_He shrugged "So, we dial up any old planet and shoot balls through"_

_She smiled "That was funny sir"_

_He grabbed the equipment and headed towards the gate_

_"Uh... Sir?"_

"O'Neill played the game of which you call golf, indeed, he is quite a skillful player" Teal'c put in

"The Asgard gave you a golf course?"

"He used the Stargate"

"What?"

"It is complicated General Hammond" Teal'c explained

"I see"

_"Fishing poles!"_

_Teal'c immediately did an about face and dashed for the hut_

_"What did I say?" he asked_

_"Teal'c isn't fond of fishing sir"_

_"He had a blast at my place!"_

_"He almost begged me to give him an excuse to leave!"_

_"Did not!'_

_"Did too"_

_He stopped then gave her a big smile "Come with me!" he ordered grabbing two tackle boxes and two rods_

_"Sir?"_

_"WE'RE going fishing"_

_"What?"_

_---_

"We also went fishing. Carter is quite the fish sir"

---

_"JACK, HELP ME!"_

_Jack eyed the slender figure in the water. The rod looked like it was about to snap_

_"Reel it in slowly," he said_

_"Jack, it's HUGE!"_

_He eyed the fish that was trying to escape Carter's rod. It was at least 20 inches long "Come on!" he called_

_She pulled the rod and a second later, disappeared from view._

_"CARTER!" he yelled throwing down his rod and dashing into the water. A few moments later, he was helping a soaked Carter out of the water_

_"What do you have in your arms?" he asked curiously_

_She held up the fish "Caught him!" she said triumphantly_

"We then proceeded to make lunch, well, that is I made lunch and Carter and Teal'c took down... I mean put away the supplies..."

"You didn't eat an alien fish did you?" Major Davis asked horrified

"It was a trout sir" Jack said turning to General Hammond

"Continue..."

_Carter watched him cook the fish "It's burning" she mentioned_

_"No, it's going to be well done"_

_"It's burning"_

_"Samantha Carter, I've cooking since before you were alive, it's not-"_

_"O'Neill, your creature appears to be most charred"_

_"Thanks Teal'c" Jack said sarcastically, turning off the burner_

_"You are most welcome. Major Carter, there is more edible food in the other room_

_"Thanks Teal'c" she said gratefully_

_"Hey, don't diss my fish!" Jack protested_

_"Too late sir!"_

**_3:00 on P4X-234_**

_Carter had been sunbathing when she heard a scream and Jack dashed for her followed by Teal'c_

_"Carter, protect me!"_

Carter looked up "The Colonel forgot to mention the incident with Teal'c sir"

"Teal'c?" Davis asked surprised

"Indeed" he said stoically

_"Sir, what's the matter?"_

_"I ate Teal'c's ice-cream!"_

_Carter's eyes widened "So?" she said_

_"HE WANTED IT"_

_"Teal'c, what are you doing?" she asked_

_"Scaring O'Neill, and you Major Carter?"_

_"Just soaking up a few beams" _

_Jack suddenly noticed what she was wearing... a one-piece swimsuit that was definitely skimpy_

_"Whoa Carter..." he muttered, "That is NOT USAF issued swim wear"_

_She blushed and looked down "Yeah, apparently the Asgard who did... this... doesn't know how to pick out women clothing"_

_"Clothing?"_

_She blushed even more "Shorts, tank tops, and lingerie..."_

"What happened?" General Hammond's voice broke it

Jack quickly rewound "Umm... I ate his ice cream"

General Hammond raised his eyebrows but wisely did not ask "Continue...'

_Dinner drew near. Teal'c was making one his 'famous' Chu'lak dishes. Jack and Sam had gone on to the roof to wait for the stars to come out. Night came early on P4X-234..._

"We ate dinner and retired"

Paul Davis looked a bit disappointed but covered it well

_Teal'c watched the two humans play a game that they called Speed. It was a most intense, both often declaring one or another was cheating. He shook his head slightly then began his kelnoreeming_

_11 P.M_

_"... And I threw the biggest fit... I think I did some complicated math thing about why I need Lucky Charms..."_

_Jack laughed, "You were a strange kid Carter"_

_She nodded "Yeah..."_

_"Hate to leave but if I don't go to sleep soon, I'll never wake up tomorrow"_

_She nodded again "Night sir" she called_

_"Night Carter"_

_Carter watched CO ramble away. With a slight smile, she covered the fire and headed back to the house. _

Suddenly SG-1 broke into loud laughter (excepting Daniel of course)

"What?" everyone else demanded

"Well..."

* * *

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	3. Zip a dee doo dah

**Thank you for reviewing! I love reviews... I hope you like this chapter!**

**_

* * *

_**

**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

Suddenly SG-1 broke into loud laughter (excepting Daniel of course)

"What?" everyone else demanded.

"Well..."

**_And now... the continuation!_**

"O'Neill!" Teal'c began "I would advise you to say nothing"

"Teal'c?" Daniel asked looking at the man. He actually looked alarmed!

Jack grinned, "Why buddy? Have something to hide?"

"As do you O'Neill" Teal'c reminded him. Jack's smirk disappeared instantly.

"What the heck are the two of you talking about?" General Hammond demanded.

"Umm... nothing General... just a little thing between me and my buddy" Jack said throwing Teal'c a pleading glance.

"Indeed" Teal'c said with a small smile.

Carter bent her head to conceal her smile. She knew what incidents they were referring to... and have documentation, which was unknown to the two men. She eyed the two pictures in her lap. One revealed one large Jaffa attired in a very large pink tutu while Jack was similarly attired in a bright purple one...

_"Carter... what's that?" _

_Carter had looked up, "Those are tutus sir" _

_"Why'd the Asgard give us those?" _

_She shrugged "Your guess is as good as mine" _

_Jack staggered back over to the corner where he and Teal'c were drinking what he had christened "Tapples" _

_These 'apples' looked and were shaped like its namesake, however, you merely had to pierce the thick skin and a clear liquid ran out. Jack and Teal'c had tried it and it was soon found out it was like beer. A clear beer that was a lot more powerful. One 'Tapple' had made Jack woozy and three had made Teal'c succumb. The two of them were reminiscing about their childhoods. _

_Sam grinned and turned back to her pile sorting. There were games, clothes, swimsuits, movies, a DVD player with a few DVD's, tape, rope, thread, tons of bedding supplies, and a room full of food. She was trying to find the boxes of blue jello... hey a girl had to have something, when she heard her name called _

_"Sir?" _

_"What's ballet?" _

_"It's a type of dancing," she said slowly. She knew the Colonel knew what ballet was... Even Teal'c knew! _

_"Show us a move" _

_"Sir?" _

_"Go on Carter... show us how to a pirouette" _

_Carter eyed him suspiciously but slowly obeyed _

_"Nice" _

_She smiled, "Thanks" _

_"That does not look difficult to do. You say people get paid to do that?" Teal'c asked disabelievingly_

_"It's harder then it looks Teal'c, and there are many, many moves..." she began wondering why she was bothering to explain this _

_"Come on Teal'c!" Jack cried enthusiastically "Let's try" _

_To Carter's great surprise, the Jaffa nodded and stood up "What color would best suit me O'Neill?" _

_"Pink definitely!" Jack announced a moment later "I'll go with purple" _

_Carter quickly averted her eyes as they began to change 'ok, this is freaky' she thought _

_"Carter, what are you going to wear?" _

_"I think I'll pass..." she began when they both insisted she try something on. She reluctantly put on a black leotard _

_"Ok, now, teach us something..." Jack 'asked' _

_She sighed, "Ok, so you lift your arms like this..." she said demonstrating _

_"Like so Major Carter?" Teal'c asked _

_"Yes. Ok, now..." _

_An hour later... _

_Jack was snoring loudly while Teal'c was peacefully kelnoreeming. Sam tiptoed in. Snapping a quick photo she hurried out before her presence was detected. _

"Major Carter, are you alright?"

Sam's head snapped up "I'm fine sir" she said automatically

"The General wants to know if anything happened we went to bed"

Carter darted a quick dance at the second photo. It showed her and her CO playing... Apples to Apples...

_"Disgusting" Carter read _

_Jack and Teal'c both laid their cards down _

_She grabbed them "The Dump" she nodded "I agree" _

_"Read my card!" Jack whined _

_"Mud... I go with Teal'c's" _

_"That's not fair! You always pick him!" _

_Carter secretly wondered if they had all taken a 'become a kid again' pill. With a sigh she said, "Yes, I pick him because he has the best cards!" _

_Jack looked like he was about to pout when Teal'c read "Memorable" _

_Jack had his card down in a flash while Carter took her time _

_"My first kiss and The Solar System" Teal'c read. He promptly handed the card to Carter _

_"Teal'c!" _

_"I prefer Major Carter's card," he said evenly. _

_"Oh... My first kiss..." Jack teased, "And when was that?" _

_"I was 16" she said hoping that would stop him. It didn't..._

_"And who was it?" _

_"Your turn sir" she said turning a dark red _

_"Carter... don't hold back..." Jack urged _

_"The card is Boring" Carter read. _

_"It's my turn!" Jack muttered monetarily distracted _

_Carter quickly threwthe card at him. Teal'c seemed undecided but finally laid one down _

_He looked at the cards "HEY!" he protested _

_"What?" Carter inquired _

_He showed her. 'The Simpson's' and 'Fishing' _

_She giggled _

_"No giggling," he said automatically _

_Teal'c stood up "I must begin my kelnoreeming" he said_

_Jack nodded "How many do you have?" he asked looking at Carter_

_Teal'c smiled at they counted their cards, Major Carter winning easily. He took a picture with one of the cameras the Asgard had provided. Unknown to the two Tau'ri, he been taking many photos... However, Major Carter had requested this one so he had obliged her. _

"Umm… no sir, we played a game then hit the hay"

She looked over at Jack who mouthed 'Literally'. They had placed a inflatable mattress on top of two hay bales... the groud was just to covered!

She felt her pocket. Inside were 42 more wonderful pictures she could use to blackmail her CO with sometime in the future

"Ok, day two passes successfully..." Major Davis said not missing the glances SG-1 was throwing each other "What happened next?"

"Well..." Carter began "Day three. We all slept in late..."

_"Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip a dee ay  
My, oh my, what a wonderful day.  
Plenty of sunshine headed my way.  
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip a dee ay"_

_Carter rolled over to see her CO singing that annoyingly cheerful song._

_"Sir? It's like 5:00 a.m," she pleaded_

_"Not a morning person Carter?"_

_She rolled her eyes_

_"Oh and it's... 9:32"_

_"What?" she demanded sitting up "It's not!"_

_He tossed her a watch "Oh but it is..."_

_She groaned as the digital display agreed, "Wow, how late was I up?"_

_"11.00 or so"_

_"I haven't slept in this late since I broke up with Jonas" she muttered_

_Jack handed her a cup of coffee "Starbucks brew. The Asgard like to keep us happy"_

_She snuggled closer to her pillow "Go away. I want to sleep"_

_"Carter! Talk to your CO like that!" he said with mock disapproval_

_She pulled a blanket over her head and sipped her coffee, hoping he would get the message and leave..._

_"Zip-a-dee-doo-dah..." he tried_

_Under the blanket she allowed herself to grin "That's Jack" she whispered_

Everyone watched as Major Carter unconsciously began to hum the tune that every American knows_..."Zip-a-dee-doo-dah..."_

General O'Neill thought back to one time, about 25 years ago... when the same girl had sung the song... He just smiled and cleared his throat

She looked up "Sorry sir"

"That's alright Major"

She nodded "Should I continue?"

"Please"

"Ok… So day three..."

* * *

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah... that silly song is stuck in my HEAD 

Obviously it has influenced my writing... oh.. the ballet part? blame it on my mom. It's the first time she's shown any interest in my stories and she suggested it so... yeah... this chapter is quite as funny, but, I think you'll like the next chapter!

Hoped you liked it and PLEASE review!


	4. Slip 'n' side, Jello, and Revenge

**Thank you:** Natters, JackSam: _I email like half of my reviewers.. I guess that helps a bit_, tigerule05, Michael Shanks Girl, powerflowergirl, pirate98, papergirl222, Stargate-Rocks, SGCFan4ever, stargate4jesus, Californian Girl, Girlzrule17, Jaggie-Fan, Starkid42, Hotchickdude, pink-panther32, Bookw0rm, melpomene-muse of tragedy:_ I know... thanks,_ Sci Fi Fan Gillian, Badass37000: _thanks!_, divcon, BookWorm37: _I hope you like my reason. It IS incomplete_, Soccer-Bitch: _Same here! My mom threatened to banish me from Fan Fiction if I didn't stop humming it!_ and StargateFan, **for reviewing!**

**_

* * *

_**

**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

Everyone watched as Major Carter unconsciously began to hum the tune that every American knows..."Zip-a-dee-doo-dah..."

GeneralHammond thought back to one time, about 25 years ago... when the same girl had sung the song... He just smiled and cleared his throat

She looked up "Sorry sir"

"That's alright Major"

She nodded "Should I continue?"

"Please"

"Ok… So day three..."

**_And now... the continuation! _**

**_

* * *

_**

_"Scavenger hunt?"_

_Carter promised that she would never be surprised at what her Commanding Officer suggested. A promise she would break later..._

_"Yeah, why not?" he asked not sensing much enthusiasm_

_"Sir... a SCANVEGER hunt... what are we, six... sir?" she asked_

_Jack shrugged "It'd be fun. Right Teal'c?"_

_"O'Neill has assured me I would enjoy it greatly," he said rather slowly. O'Neill had assured him he would like fishing... (And we all know how that turned out.)_

_"And you TRUST him?" Carter asked disbelievingly_

_"Hey!"_

_Carter smirked "Sorry sir"_

_"Teal'c! I hid the jello, you ready?"_

_Her smirk disappeared "Jello?"_

_"Yep. I hid all the chocolate I could find, most of the coffee and ALL of those little boxes of blue jello..."_

_"Sir!"_

_"Wanna play?" he asked_

_She gritted her teeth "I'd love too..."_

_He grinned, "Let's go!"_

"Well, I... we uh... we had a umm... scavenger hunt... sir"

General Hammond looked surprised, "You had a WHAT?"

"Scavenger hunt sir" Jack spoke up, "It was a blast sir."

Carter developed a coughing fit and Teal'c cleared his throat several times loudly.

"IT. WAS. FUN" Jack said again, glaring at his two friends.

Carter and Teal'c exchanged glances, "Yeah, it was a blast," they said with obvious sarcasm.

_"Sir... we've been looking for it for two hours!"_

_Jack's map had 'disappeared' and he insisted he had forgotten where he had hid 'the treasure'. So they were combing the small forest as Jack 'thought' that was were he had last been..._

_Carter sighed, "I have to go... I'll be right back" and with that she headed toward the hut at a run_

_"Where's Carter going?" Jack asked looking up_

_"I believe she is using the facilities" Teal'c said peering behind a bush._

_Jack smiled and nodded. A second later he looked up, "Umm... I remember where the stuff is!"_

_Carter opened the door to the bathroom. A second later a loud scream was heard._

_Jack winced, "Think she'll be mad?" he asked_

_"O'Neill, you have forced her to climb trees, ford water, lied to her andinsisted that sheremain out in the heat for over two hours. I believe she will be most 'ticked' as you say."_

"Colonel O'Neill had forgotten the location of the treasure. Major Carter found it, then we proceeded to dial home and see if the other gate was set up..."

At that, Jack looked up and glared at Carter.

_Carter sneaked out and hurried to the Stargate. The gate was over a mile away so if she activated it, no one should be able to it. She quickly dialed a neutral planet. Hurrying through, she checked it out. Nope. She dialed 'home'. Once there, she tried another planet. She came back very damp. Perfect!_

_"Sir, we should probably go see if the other gate is set up!" she called_

_Jack gave her a suspicious glance. She hadn't said a word to him about the 'jello' trick. Teal'c, however, was already following her, so, with a sigh, he followed Teal'c out._

_Carter quickly dialed the gate "Sir, it's up!" she called "I already sent my GDO code through"_

_Jack nodded "Ok, you go first, Teal'c and I will follow"_

_Carter grimaced. This was not going right. With a slight sigh, she 'tripped' over her shoes "Oww" she cried_

_"O'Neill, you go first, I'll bring Major Carter" Teal'c called catching Carter's pleading glance._

_"Bring her?"_

_"She has appeared to have hurt her knee. Have a medical team summoned."_

_Jack nodded and dashed through. A second later, the gate deactivated. Carter sprang to her knees and quickly dialed another world._

_'She grinned "Thanks Teal'c"_

"Uh.. Sam, what's the matter with Jack?"

She looked over at him, "Sir, is something the matter?" she asked opening her blue eyes wide

He barely managed to restrain himself from shaking her "Everything is fine... Carter"

_Jack cursed himself for hiding her blue jello. It was raining like it never rained on Earth! He tried to remember the address to any of those nice tropical worlds but came up empty. Only 21 minutes until he could gate 'home'_

_Carter watched as the gate activated and a soaked Jack dashed through. Once on the other side, he calmly rang his hat out, shook his head and said quietly "This means war..."_

"I beg your pardon?" Major Davis was saying

Jack looked up "Sorry?"

"What about war?" Daniel asked

"What?"

"You said something about war" Davis said, secretly hoping they would spill the beans on something that had happened there. Obviously SOMETHING had by the way they kept smirking and giggling...

"No I didn't"

Daniel frowned, "Yes you did"

"Did not"

"Did-" he stopped, "Ok, anyways, get on with it Jack"

_Jack had retaliated with a full-scale water fight. Carter got even by scratching the Simpson's DVD's. Jack stole the jello boxes and poured half of the boxes into the lake. This quickly was turning into no fun._

_"O'Neill! Major Carter!"_

_"Teal'c?" they said simultaneously._

_"Cease it this moment. You are acting like two Tau'ri children. This behavior is most unacceptable"_

_Jack had the grace to look ashamed "Yeah... sorry 'bout that Carter" he said helping her out of the water in which they had been fighting._

_"Yeah, me too" she said, "Thank you sir"_

_"O'Neill, you promised you would teach me how to play this sometime" Teal'c began holding up a game,_

_The looked at each other "TWISTER?"_

_Jack nodded and sighed, "Ok, this is how you play..."_

_Later..._

_Carter flicked "Right hand, red, Teal'c" she called._

_The large Jaffa gracefully shifted himself "Continue"_

_"Left foot, Green sir"_

_Jack, not quite as graceful as Teal'c, obeyed her "Ok"_

_"Left hand, yellow!"_

_Carter quickly snapped a picture as they continued to struggle._

_"Carter!" Jack complained as he went crashing down_

_"Sir?"_

_"That darn light was too bright!" he whined, "It messed me up!"_

_"I have won O'Neill. Now, have you and Major Carter forgiven one another?"_

_They both nodded_

_"I see. According to your customs, you must kiss and make up"_

_"WHAT?"_

_Jack and Carter both looked at each other at the same time. The Jaffa had been quite insistent, so, feeling quite embarrassed, they quickly pecked each other's lips._

"What's going on?" Daniel asked, "You guys keep smiling at each other, it's really unnerving"

"Nothing" all was all they said...

"General, I'm feeling a it hungry, can we continue this later?" Jack asked pleadingly.

General Hammond nodded "Meet back here in an hour. Dismissed"

_

* * *

_

Everyone in the commissary watched as the small group trailed in, all looking hungry.

Carter hummed happily as she selected her blue jello "…plenty of sunshine, heading my way. Zip-a-dee-do-dah..."

"I remember the time your father and I took you to Disney World" George said with a fond smile.

Carter's head shot up "You do?" she asked, rather alarmed "Wow, that was a long time ago"

"You were about seven, and you complained you never got to see 'Daddy' anymore. So, Jacob and you flew up to Florida and we spent the weekend there. You had a blast; you charmed everyone into letting you have what you wanted. The staff loved you. They piled souvenirs on you and Jacob just about spoiled you to death"

"Wow Carter... thought you never went to Disney Land" Jack said staring at her. He distinctly remembered a conversation in which she had said she had never been to Disney Land.

"I went to Disney World. Much bigger" she said with a slight blush. She inwardly smiled. General Hammond had been kind not to reveal the 'true' meaning behind that song...

"I can just see you" Daniel said with a slight laugh, "Big Mickey Mouse ears, cotton candy, pins, necklaces... yeah"

"Indeed" Teal'c said thoughtfully. He privately thought Major Carter must have been an adorable child.

George chuckled "And you sang that silly song for the next several months... let me see... how does it go? Zip-a-dee-doo-dah..." and one by one the rest of the table joined in...

**Back into the briefing room, **General Hammond was once again his professional self "Teal'c, why don't YOU continue?"

"Very well. After we concluded our game, we tried another one..."

_"...Y, Lord Yu"_

_Carter grinned "Z, Zat'niki'tel"_

_"A, Ashrack" Jack offered._

_Carter yawned, "I'm tired" she commented, "And hungry"_

_Jack shook his head. Carter was ALWAYS hungry now. She was constantly eating. She had eaten more in the past few days then she did a week on Earth!_

_"Ok, what do we do now?"_

_"O'Neill, we have not had substance. Perhaps we should cook one of the bread and sauce confections"_

_"It's called PIZZA Teal'c, pizza" he stopped "Was that a joke? Good work T! I can never tell when you are joking or not"_

_Teal'c continued to stare at him._

_"Ok... I'm going to go make pizza," Jack said hurrying out of the room._

"We ate and went to bed," he said folding his hand.

"That's all? No slip 'n' slide or anything?" Daniel asked.

SG-1 stiffened "Slip 'n' slide? Why would you say that Daniel?" Carter asked cautiously.

"Well, it sounds like you did some peculiar things, I was just asking".

They all sighed with relief inwardly...

_"WEE" Carter yelled as she slid down the hallway. She had 'MacGyvered' a 'hose' and now they were all having the time of their life..._

_"Sir, have you ever seen MacGyver?" she asked sliding to a stop suddenly._

_He paused "Why?"_

_"I just thought you looked like Richard Dean Anderson," she said with a slight shrug_

_"I saw it once or twice" he muttered_

_"I agree O'Neill. I have watched this show many times. You have very similar characteristics with the character"_

_"I uh..."_

_"Your file says that you were doing 'unspecified' things for seven years..." Carter said nonchalantly_

_"You READ MY FILE?"_

_"General Hammond gave me permission"_

_"So, you think I'm this Boy Scout genius dude?"_

_Carter shook her head, "MayGyver was a genius"_

_"He was TV character!"_

_She shrugged again, "I'll race you sir"_

_Jack nodded and the two of them went sliding down the hall._

Paul Davis hastily scribbled notes down "Ok, so you go to bed, what happens on day four?"

They grinned...

* * *

PLEASE REVIEW! Hope you liked it! Does it seem like it's getting to 'goofy' or unrealistic? oh well, let me know what you think! 


	5. Truth or Dare Wormhome Extreme

**Thank you:** Natters, JackSam, tigerule05, Michael Shanks Girl, powerflowergirl, pirate98, papergirl222, Stargate-Rocks, SGCFan4ever, stargate4jesus, Californian Girl, Girlzrule17, Jaggie-Fan, Starkid42, Hotchickdude, pink-panther32, Bookw0rm, melpomene-muse of tragedy:_ I know... thanks,_ Sci Fi Fan Gillian, Badass37000: _thanks!_, divcon, BookWorm37: _I hope you like my reason. It IS incomplete_, Soccer-Bitch: _Same here! My mom threatened to banish me from Fan Fiction if I didn't stop humming it!_ and StargateFan, **for reviewing! (If I missed you, I'm SO sorry and I'll try to get you next time!)**

**

* * *

**

_**Previously on Stargate SG-1... **_

We ate and went to bed," he said folding his hand.

"That's all? No slip 'n' slide or anything?" Daniel asked.

SG-1 stiffened "Slip 'n' slide? Why would you say that Daniel?" Carter asked cautiously.

"Well, it sounds like you did some peculiar things, I was just asking".

They all sighed with relief inwardly...

---

_She shrugged again, "I'll race you sir" _

_Jack nodded and the two of them went sliding down the hall. _

_--- _

Paul Davis hastily scribbled notes down "Ok, so you go to bed, what happens on day four?"

They grinned...

_**And now... the continuation! **_

**_

* * *

_**

"I suppose if I say it was an boring average day, you won't accept that?" Jack tried.

General Hammond raised his eyebrow in a good imitation of Teal'c.

"Ok... so.. day four..."

---

_"Poochinsky?" Carter asked incredously. _

_Jack looked up, "It's a great show!" _

_Carter looked at her watch. 10:23. "I'm going to do dial Earth. I'll be back by 12 hours at the latest sir" _

_"Be safe, don't get locked off world, don't get caught, don't sit on boys laps..." _

_"COLONEL!" _

_Jack looked unrepentant. _

_She frowned at him then hurried off. He could hear her break into laughter once she reached the ground. He automatically smiled and turned back to his show. _

_Carter dialed the gate, half hoping it would engage, the other half hoping it wouldn't. It was kind of nice not having to save the world, yada yada. She did miss things like computers... Her laptop was running out of batteries. She pressed the red center. Nothing happened. She half sighed then headed back. _

_Jack looked at his watch 12: 11. He frowned. _

_Carter looked at her watch. 11:11. She plopped down underneath a big tree. "I'll just rest here a bit" she thought. It was only a 15-minute hike back... _

_12:31... _

_"That's it, I'm going after Carter" Jack declared grabbing his cap and dashing for the balcony. _

_Teal'c followed him, "O'Neill, this world is uninhabited. The path to the Stargate clear of any obstacles. Most likely Major Carter has merely stopped for a rest" _

_Jack quickly beamed himself down and hurried to the Stargate. _

_Carter started and looked at her watched. 11:34. She scrambled to her feet. She'd have to hurry to make it 'home' by 1200 hours. _

_Jack got more and more worried as the minutes ticked by and he still didn't see her. He quickened his pace unaware Teal'c was following him. _

_Carter had just begun her hike when the form of her CO appeared. He looked stressed. "Sir?" she yelled. _

_Jack thought he could die happy. Carter was fine. She was alive... _

_"Sir, what are you doing here?" _

_He slowed down, "You went way past curfew. Teal'c and I were getting a bit concerned" _

_Carter glanced at her watch, "It's only 11:36 sir" _

_Jack looked at his, "No, yours is an hour off" _

_"I don't think so sir, Teal'c, what time is it?" _

_Jack started. He wasn't aware that Teal'c had followed him. "It is 11:36 Major Carter" his deep voice said. _

_Carter looked up, "Sorry to have worried you sir" _

_Jack felt like shaking Teal'c. That man KNEW it wasn't time for check in but hadn't said anything. Without a word, he turned and headed for the hut. _

_--- _

"Colonel?" General Hammond's voice cut in.

Jack started, "We watched a bit of TV and checked to see if you were up and running, stuff like that"

Carter and Teal'c didn't refute his words thought they knew them not to be entirely accurate.

---

_Jack stormed into 'his' bedroom and slammed the door. As he was removing his jacket, he heard the door open. _

_"I don't want to hear it." he said. _

_Teal'c looked at him but didn't say a word. _

_"Good, cos I'm not in the mood. " _

_Teal'c continued to stand quietly. _

_Jack sighed, "All right, what?" he demanded turning to face his friend. _

_"Major Carter has felt a similar sense of frustration when you've been missing. She despaired at the thought of never seeing 1you again." _

_Jack looked around for something to deflect the gravity of the situation. "Not you?" he asked. _

_"Indeed. You are like a brother to me O'Neill. " _

_"You're like what? 140?" _

_Teal'c frowned "A younger brother perhaps. But that is not my point." _

_"Look T, I know what you're trying to do and I appreciate it." _

_Teal'c sighed. "O'Neill, If you will not listen to reason, listen to your heart" he said softly before stealing out of the room and shutting the door softly. _

_Jack plopped on the bed and sighed, "Oh boy" _

_Carter was sitting on the couch, staring unseeingly at the TV screen when Teal'c immerged from Jack's room. "How is he Teal'c?" she asked, her voice neutral. _

_"O'Neill will be fine" he said taking a seat beside her. "He was much distressed at your disappearance" _

_"Teal'c, let's not go there" Carter pleaded. _

_"Very well." he stopped "How is Martouf?" _

_She sent him a questioning glance, "Haven't seen him in a while" _

_"I see" _

_"Teal'c, what is this about? You turned the lights off, you have us 'make up', you do this... whatever it is... what's going on?" _

_"Nothing Major Carter" _

_She refrained from rolling her eyes "Teal'c..." _

_"Major Carter, perhaps you would like something to eat?" Teal'c asked rising "I have made one of the traditional dishes of Chu'lak" _

_Carter nodded, "Sure, I'll try it" _

_"Oh my god Teal'c, what is this?" she asked a few minutes later. _

_"It is called Tianta. It is made from fish and various other items." _

_She swallowed hard, "It's umm... very good" _

_Teal'c smiled broadly, "Thank you Major Carter". He took a plate and filled it. "I shall take this to O'Neill." he said leaving the room. As soon as he had gone, Carter grabbed her plate and dumped it in the trash. _

_Knock Knock... _

_Jack looked up, "Yes?" _

_Teal'c entered, "I have brought you substance O'Neill" _

_"Thanks T" he said automatically taking the plate and taking a bite. He froze, "Umm, what is this?" _

_"It is Tianta. As I have explained..." _

_"Buddy, this is great!" he said with a false smile, "But I'm really tired, could you put this in the fridge..." _

_Teal'c inclined his head as he accepted the plate. "Sleep well O'Neill" _

_Jack nodded _

_--- _

"After lunch?" Daniel asked

"We watched some more television" Teal'c answered

---

_Prepare for an X-treme adventure. Four X-cellent heroes in an X-traordinary new sci-fi series. Starring Nick Marlowe as the wry Colonel Danning. Danning looks up after knocking out two men "As a matter of fact it does say Colonel on my uniform." _

_"Yolanda Reese as the brilliant Major Stacey Monroe." She looks up "The pulse drive field emitters are off line but I can compensate by generating a feed back loop" _

_"Raymond Gunne as Dr Levant." The man looks up "Dammit Colonel, just because they're aliens and their skulls are transparent, doesn't mean that they don't have rights!" _

_"And introducing Douglas Anders as Grell the robot. Wormhole X-treme, coming this fall only on…" _

_Teal'c raised his eyebrows "What is this show?" _

_Carter shrugged, "I'm not sure" _

_"Do you wish me to turn it off?" _

_"Nah, what else do we have to watch?" _

_Jack wandered out of his bedroom. His 2IC was constantly arguing with the TV character that appeared to be representing her. "THAT IS SO FAKE TEAL'C!" she argued "This is so aggravating" she muttered a second later. "You can not generate power for a pulse-"_

_"Major Carter, are you enjoying this show?"_

_Carter stopped, "Yeah, I guess"_

_"Then let us watch it"_

_Jack smiled and hurried into the kitchen to made something edible to eat._

---

"We ate dinner and went to bed sir"

General Hammond looked over at Carter as if she was to confirm this.

"Yes sir, we ate then we went to... bed"

---

_"Truth or dare"_

_"Dare"_

_Jack thought about this for a second, "Open all the boxes of blue jello and dump it on the floor"_

_"Chicken" she said instantly._

_A wicked gleam came into his eyes, "Or skinny dipping..."_

_Her eyes opened wide..._

* * *

PLEASE REVIEW and I hope you liked it... 

Yes, Wormhole Extreme is in season 5 but... authors privlege!


	6. Red knives and Swimming

**_Thank you:_**_ tigerule05, Michael Shanks Girl, powerflowergirl, pirate98, papergirl222, Stargate-Rocks, SGCFan4ever, stargate4jesus, Californian Girl, Girlzrule17, Jaggie-Fan, Starkid42, Hotchickdude, pink-panther32, BookWorm37,divcon: thanks for always being so nice to me! Amanders, Bookw0rm, Aligewe, Soccer-Bitch: I hope school... is good... updating for ya! and StargateFan, **for reviewing! (If I missed you, I'm SO sorry and I'll try to get you next time!)**_

**_

* * *

_**

**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

_---_

_"We ate dinner and went to bed sir"_

_General Hammond looked over at Carter as if she was to confirm this._

_"Yes sir, we ate then we went to... bed" she said studying a speck of dust of the table..._

_---_

_"Truth or dare"_

_"Dare"_

_Jack thought about this for a second, "Open all the boxes of blue jello and dump it on the floor"_

_"Chicken" she said instantly._

_A wicked gleam came into his eyes, "Or skinny dipping..."_

_Her eyes opened wide..._

**_And now... the continuation! _**

**_

* * *

_**

_"NO, NO, NO!" she protested._

_He grinned, "Jello or 'dippin'"_

_"We could be here for weeks" she mumbled looking over at the jello. 10 little boxes of jello was all that remained..._

_"So...?"_

_"I'm thinking!"_

_Jack leaned back. He knew in the end, she'd go for the jello but..._

_"Chicken"_

_He looked up, "What?"_

_"I'm doing chicken"_

_He was on his feet a second later, "Are you crazy?"_

_"You think I'm wasting that precious blue powder?" she retorted._

_He tried not to choke. Carter, nude... oh my..._

_She grabbed a towel, "Let's go"_

_Three minutes later, the three people had reached the shore. Teal'c hung back a bit, clearly not understanding WHY ' Major Carter HAD to do this'. Four years among the Tau'ri still hadn't made him understand them much better.'_

_"Ok Carter"_

_Carter jumped in. A second later, a shirt went flying on to the beach followed by a pair of shorts then some undergarments._

_"You're cheating!" Jack hollered._

_She swum a few strokes then yelled, "Turn around sir!"_

_"What?" he asked not thinking clearly._

_"I'm NOT getting out with you looking now turn PLEASE"_

_Jack turned and heard the water 'swish' as his 2ICexited the water._

_"Ok, now you can look sir"_

_He looked up only to have Carter brush past him, clothes in one hand, her other hand holding the towel closed._

_Jack mouth parted slightly. That towel hugged her JUST right..._

_"O'Neill, are you all right?"_

_"Absolutely" was all he could say._

_---_

"So, nothing spectacular happened the next day?"

Jack choked, "Umm, no sir"

"Jack, are you holding out on me?" Daniel demanded

"No!" Jack insisted.

He looked skeptical.

_---_

_"Where you going?" Jack asked watching Carter slip on flip-flops._

_"Check in sir"_

_"In flip-flops?"_

_"Yes sir, all the socks are grotesque"_

_"Thor forgot those?"_

_"Yes sir"_

_"Jack" he corrected._

_"Ok, well, I'll be back before 3:00 sir"_

_"I'm coming with you," he said leaping to his feet._

_She paused with her hand on the 'doorknob', "Sir?"_

_"I'm coming with you" he repeated grabbing his canteen._

_She nodded, "Let's go"_

_Teal'c waited until they were several hundred yards before he laid down his book and followed them..._

_Carter dialed the gate quickly. Nothing._

_"Ready to go?"_

_He nodded._

_"Let's go"_

_Teal'c grinned. Roadblock. They would bypass the huge rock he had rolled onto the path and fall into the pit. It was deep enough that would they would hurt themselves; he had softened it with leaves, but it was deep enough that they would have to stay there until he 'rescued' him._

_"OWW!"_

_"Carter, you ok?"_

_"Fine sir, what was that?" she asked looking around._

_"It looks like we are in a pit"_

_"I knew that sir. How'd it get here?"_

_He shrugged and dug in his pockets. "I have a game boy, a yoyo, and aknife"_

_"The knife. I liketo whittle" she said_

_"Really?" he asked tossing it over._

_She nodded, "It gives me something to do," she said giving him a smile. She stopped and examined it closer. "It's a Swiss army knife."_

_"So?"_

_"It's red..."_

_"Sir, did you know Jack was on TV?" Carter said wickidly_

_"Carter!" Jack protested._

_She smirked. Now they were even._

_"Really? What?" Daniel asked eagerly._

_"MacGyver..."_

_"Oh for cryin' out loud Carter, you're not starting that nonsense again are you?"_

_She eyed him, "Did you major in Physics sir?"_

_"I know a bit..."_

_"Yes!" she cried._

_"What?"_

_"Your autograph sells for like 50 bucks. I could make a killing"_

_"What?"_

_"You give me a few hundred and I sell them... get a couple thousands... and take Cassie and I shopping... this could be fun..."_

_"CARTER!"_

_She looked up, "Why do you pretend to be dumber then you really are?"_

_"Did you just call me dumb?"_

_She rolled her eyes, "Come on... Jack..."_

_"Fine, my life in a nut shell. I was approached YEARS ago with an offer to do a TV show. I met Sara my sixth year into it. I stopped because she didn't like my 'kissing other women'. I was in Black Ops before that so I went back to that. My life, the end"_

_She tossed the knife back, "I lied, I hate whittling"_

_Teal'c appeared above them, "Do you require some assistance O'Neill?"_

_"A hand would be nice"_

_Teal'c tossed a rope down. The two were out minutes later. "Thanks buddy"_

_"You are welcome"_

_Carter hugged him, "How convenient that you had a rope" she said innocently._

_"I have learned to be prepared when dealing with you" he said with a small smile._

_"Let's go home," Jack suggested._

_---_

"Ok, dialed the gate, came home, ate dinner, went to bed and woke up. That ends day four and begins day five" Jack said trying to ignore everyone's stares.

General Hammond nodded, "Start with day five now"

_They had hamburgers for dinner. Sam ate hers while bemoaning the fact her laptop had died. After dinner, they washed up then gathered in the living room for a good ol' game of Monopoly. It stretched into the wee hours of the morning, Sam winning easily._

_"Carter, have you played this before?"_

_Carter rolled the dice and made it safely on to the starting place. "You owe me 200 bucks and yes, a few times"_

_Jack eyed the board. Her hotels covered two -thirds of the board, while he and Teal'c shared the other third._

_'O'Neill you owe me 1200 dollars" Teal'c announced._

_Jack sighed and forked over the money, _

_---_

"Colonel?"

Jack's head snapped up, "Sir?"

"Day five?"

He flushed, "Right, sorry sir, ok..."

* * *

Hope you guys are still liking this... reviews are down, those who reviewed, thanks so much!

Hoped you enjoyed this chapter and PLEASE REVIEW!


	7. Bowling and Pranks

**Thank you:** tigerule05, Michael Shanks Girl, powerflowergirl, pirate98, papergirl222, Stargate-Rocks, SGCFan4ever, stargate4jesus, Californian Girl, Girlzrule17, Jaggie-Fan, Starkid42, Hotchickdude, pink-panther32, BookWorm37,divcon,Erin, file109, SilverRider, darth tater, Bookw0rm, sammy: according GateWorld to **Harriman**Soccer-Bitch, and StargateFan, **for reviewing! (If I missed you, I'm SO sorry and I'll try to get you next time!)**

**_

* * *

_**

**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

"Colonel?"

Jack's head snapped up, "Sir?"

"Day five?"

He flushed, "Right, sorry sir, ok..."

**_And now... the continuation! _**

**_

* * *

_**

"Day 5..."

---

_After Monopoly, Everyone to bed like good little adults. _

_Up and early the next day, SG-1 faced an interesting problem. _

_"What do we do?" Sam asked looking around_

_"What?" Jack asked with a yawn._

_"What do we do today?" she repeated._

_Jack shrugged. _

_"Major Carter, do you require entertainment?" Teal'c asked coming into the room._

_"Kind of. What do you have in mind?"_

_"I believe the humans on this planet much enjoy throwing balls... correct?"_

_"I guess," she said dubiously._

_"I have found such a game..."_

_Later... _

_"Wow Jack!"_

_"STRIKE!" the game cheered._

_Carter grabbed the ball and tossed it. It hit three._

_"Carter... I would have thought an Astrophysicist could bowl better then that" Jack jeered._

_She made a face and bowled again. The remaining pins fell down. "Better?"_

_Teal'c quickly demolished all the pins._

_Carter watched as her CO took his turn. Teal'c had found one of those kid-bowling games. It was a fairly nice one, complete with mat, 10 full size pins and a correct size bowling ball and an automated scoring system._

_"Gutter!" the game called._

_Jack scowled. "What are you laughing at Carter?"_

_"Nothing sir!"_

---

"Colonel?"

"Yes sir?"

"What are you doing?"

Jack looked down to see that he had carved a heart into the briefing table with his knife. He instantly folded it and stuffed it into his pocket. He looked up at Carter. She winked at him.

General Hammond sighed, "Continue..."

"Ok, so we go for check in..."

---

_"You and Teal'c go check the gate. I want to rest"_

_Carter paused mid stroke. "Sir?"_

_"What?"_

_"Did you say you wanted to rest?"_

_He nodded, "Yeah"_

_She eyed him suspiciously, "What are you up to Sir?"_

_"Nothing!" he said quickly._

_She pulled herself out of the pond, water dripping off her black suit. "Sir, If I come home and find you put a frog on my bed, I will kick your..." she stopped, and hurried over to the cabin._

_Jack stared after her, "Great view" he muttered._

_Teal'c appeared on the balcony with a towel. She accepted and disappeared into the house. Five minutes later, the two people headed for the gate. Jack grinned. Let the games begin!_

_---_

"Carter... went to check in and I... fixed the house"

Carter snorted. Loudly.

"Major?" Hammond questioned.

"Nothing sir" she said quickly, "Nothing at all" she said glaring at him.

---

_Jack surveyed his handiwork. Excellent. Now it was time to help those kids out of that net he had rigged..._

_"Teal'c? This really isn't comfortable"_

_"I agree."_

_Sam sighed and looked around. They were suspended about 6 feet from the ground inwhat appeared to be anindestructible net. They had been there for overhour..._

_"I'm going to kill him" she muttered._

_Jack chose that minute to appear. "Hey guys"_

_Carter gave him a murderous look._

_"Ok, Carter, don't be mad"_

_"It is not just Major Carter is annoyed, I am as well"_

_"Teal'c, look at me. You'll understand. Forgiven?"_

_Teal'c considered this then nodded. "Agreed"_

_"Teal'c!" Carte protested._

_"Come on Carter, let's go," Jack pleaded._

_Carter sighed and reluctantly followed him._

_---_

Carter was still glaring at him.

"Jack, what exactly did you to do the house?" Daniel asked curiously noting the glances Carter was sending to his friend.

"I fixed it up. Just like I said"

---

_"Sir..."_

_Jack grinned. He had searched the many rooms and finally found it. The game room. Pin ball machines, ball pit, TV, playstation, games...He had arranged everything perfectly. He smiled. No pranks or anything. What was Carter thinking? He wasn't always playing jokes! He could be nice once in a while... He was about to leave when he spotted a box. His eyes widened... No one said today was the day to be nice..._

_Carter looked around the room, "Sir, this is... this is great!"_

_"All forgiven?"_

_"Yes sir" she said. _

_"You haven't seen YOUR game room"_

_"MY game room?" she asked suspiciously._

_He gestured to the next room. She walked in slowly. Laptops everywhere, a computer, books..."_

_"Sir, this is... wonderful" and with that she threw her arms around him. He felt a twinge of guilt for what he had done..._

---

"Jack, details"

"Oh I'd be happy to provide you with them later Daniel" Carter spat out.

"Caaarrttterr, it was for Teal'c! Scouts honor!"

"You weren't a scout Jack. You told me that..."

"Daniel!"

_---_

_Carter went humming to the bathroom. Quickly stripping, she hurried into the shower. A second later she screamed loudly. _

_Jack winced. "Whoops"_

_Carter came out three minutes later._

_"MAJOR CARTER?" Teal'c nearly shouted._

_Carters once blond head was now a unique shade of blue..._

_She held out her hand. "The shampoo and conditioner sir"_

_He picked up the two bottles and gave them to her._

_She turned and marched back to the bathroom. _

_Seven minutes after that, she walked out, her hair only the ultra lightest shade of blue._

_"Sir, I think you should wash the shower"_

_He nodded, "Ok"_

_A second later a satisfying thud and scream was heard. Teal'c and Carter hurried over to watch._

_Earlier..._

_Carter grabbed the can of shaving cream and sprayed it over a few feet of floor. She dragged the slip 'n' slide over then at the end, the 'coup de grace' a container full of water balloons filled with kool aid water... the same blue he had used on her._

_Jack thought as he slipped on the 'cream that he would never, ever do another prank on her..._

---

General Hammond grimaced. His lead team were glaring at each other. Well, Jack and Major Carter were.

"What the heck is going on?"

"Major Carter pulled a mean prank on me while I was there"

"You were the one who suspended Teal'c and I mid air..."

"You dyed my hair-"

"You guys!" Daniel shouted.

They looked over at him, "What?" they demanded.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I'd like to know too" Paul Davis said with an eager glance at General Hammond.

They both froze, "General, Right after that we went to check in and then we came home and ate and day six began" Jack said rapidly.

"Colonel..."

---

_Carter giggled as she watched her CO stand up slowly obviously afraid she had another trap set. He was right. A pail of freezing cold water poured over him._

_"Carter, anything I ever said about you needing a life, I take back"_

_She laughed, delighted with the success of her plan. "Yes sir"_

_They ate dinner that night thoughtfully. The three were all tired out, or so they thought..._

_"O'Neill, what are those?"_

_"Those are jet skis," Jack said lazily looking down at the beach. "I never saw those" he commented._

_"Nor have I. I believe the Asgard must have provided them while we were gone"_

_"Yeah, cool"_

_"What do they do?"_

_"Well..."_

---

"What exactly did you DO Colonel that day?" General Hammond asked.

Jack grinned, "We jet skied!"

"Colonel, what about day six?" Paul Davis asked.

Jack and Carter suddenly looked down while Teal'c began to chuckle.

"Colonel?"

Jack groaned, "Sir, I'd rather not say..."

"That wasn't a request"

Jack sighed, "Well..."

* * *

Did you like it? Only day six and seven remain! 

Well, hoped you liked it and Please review!


	8. Locked in and Hickeys

**Thank you:** tigerule05, Michael Shanks Girl, powerflowergirl, pirate98, papergirl222, Stargate-Rocks, SGCFan4ever, stargate4jesus, Californian Girl, Girlzrule17, Jaggie-Fan, Starkid42, Hotchickdude, pink-panther32, BookWorm37, divcon,Aligewe, Darth Tater, Bookw0rm, Soccer-Bitch, Sci Fi Fan Gillian, Sara Loughlin, and StargateFan, **for reviewing! (If I missed you, I'm SO sorry and I'll try to get you next time!) **

****

It's longer because it took so long to update!

* * *

**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

"Colonel, what about day six?" Paul Davis asked eagerly.

Jack and Carter suddenly looked down while Teal'c began to chuckle.

"Colonel?"

Jack groaned, "Sir, I'd rather not say..."

"That wasn't a request"

Jack sighed, "Well..."

**_And now... the continuation! _**

**_

* * *

_**

"I believe I would be more capable of narrating these events" Teal'c's deep, rich voice began.

"Teal'c!" Both appealed.

"I'll never make a disparaging remark about junior again, I swear!" Jack promised.

"And I'll watch the Star Wars marathon with you. Again" Sam said with a slight grimace.

"Teal'c, Please continue" Hammond 'requested'.

Teal'c eyed the two members of SG-1 and gave them a barely noticeable nod. They sighed with relief. Teal'c, their old friend, would give the watered down version...

---

_Teal'c crept into the 'bedroom' in which O'Neill was residing. He insisted he was a light sleeper but on this occasion, he continued to slumber. Teal'c grabbed the edges on the sleeping bag and ever so slowly began pulling... _

---

"I locked Major Carter and O'Neill in a room"

"Why?" everyone who was unaware of this event, demanded.

"Because. I wish too"

Daniel eyed him. He knew Teal'c wasn't a vengeful man. Maybe he was planning on giving them alone time. Oh my god. **Alone** time. He darted looks at Jack and Sam. They didn't LOOK like they had... you know...

"Daniel? Are you ok?"

He gulped hard, "Fine"

Carter shook her head, "You look like I just announced I was pregnant"

Daniel let out a strangled noise. Did she just say she was pregnant? This was court martialable! Maybe they could plead insanity...

Davis and Hammond reached the same conclusion. "Major Carter? What transpired during your 'lock up'?" he said with a face that let them know he was ready for anything. Even if they were going to admit they had...

Jack and Carter glared at Daniel and turned to face their CO. "Nothing" they said simultaneously.

"Nothing?" Major Davis asked.

"Nothing..."

---

_Teal'c arranged the sleeping couple to his satisfaction. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. He rubbed it again. He hurried out, locked the door, and hurried into the bathroom. Once there, he eyed his chin. There was a 'goatee' on it. Major Carter and O'Neill had glued it on after he had consumed too many of the 'Tapples'. His revenge was complete... He laughed. _

_Sam woke up at the sound of the Jaffa's laughter. She turned around and gasped. Her half naked CO was next to her, his arm thrown casually across her rear. She slapped it and he woke up. _

---

"Teal'c, why are you smiling?"

Teal'c rubbed his goatee and looked meaningfully at the two guilty culprits. "I am not smiling Daniel Jackson"

"You were"

"Indeed I was not Daniel Jackson"

"Yeah you were"

"I was not"

"Uh huh..."

"Dr. Jackson!" General Hammond 'asked ,' "What is the matter?"

Daniel knew he was acting childishly but he couldn't help but feel annoyed that he had missed yet another SG-1 'moment'. He quickly apologized to Teal'c who nodded his understanding.

"Continue..."

---

_"Carter!" Jack complained automatically rolling over. He promptly froze. "What the heck am I doing here?" _

_"I was just about to ask you that" she said icily. _

_He was on his feet. "I uhh..." he said trying the door. His face expressed puzzlement. He kicked it then tried the knob again. The door was locked. _

_"Teal'c!" he called, "Help! We are locked in" _

_"I am aware of this. You shall be for quite sometime. Any attempts to leave will be met with resistance" _

_"Teal'c! What kind of cr..." _

_"Sir..." _

_"...Garbage are you trying to pull?" _

_"Nothing O'Neill. This is my revenge" _

_"For wh..." Jack began, "Oh" _

_Teal'c laughed. "I have left substance for you both. Enjoy" _

_Jack stared at Sam with complete astonishment. "What's the matter with Teal'c?" he demanded. _

_"I don't he is as mad as he is in a matchmaking mood" Carter said shrewdly. _

_"Match making?" _

_"Teal'c. He's a romantic at heart" _

_"How do you know that?" _

_She rolled her eyes, "Nine chick flicks" _

_"TEAL'C?" _

_"Yes, he does like something other then Star Wars and Indiana Jones" _

_"TEAL'C?" _

_She laughed._

_---_

"I don't understand Teal'c. You locked them up for no reason?"

"That is correct General Hammond"

"Why in tarnation would you do that?"

"I was unentertained and thought this might help"

"He means bored" Jack interpreted.

"I see"

Everyone could see that the General was still at loss over why the Jaffa would do such a thing but shrugged. "Continue"

---

_"10:00"_

_"I'm hungry"_

_"So eat"_

_"Carter, stop playing with that and play with me" he paused. "Ok, that sounded wrong"_

_"Yes sir"_

_"Are you mad at me?"_

_"It WAS your idea to glue it to him"_

_"You helped"_

_"You ordered me too"_

_He blushed, "I guess I did didn't I?"_

_"Yes sir"_

_"Oh come on... It could be worse!"_

_"I don't see how. We are trapped in here for at LEAST 10 more hours!"_

_"What do you want to do?"_

_"Play with my laptop"_

_"That's BORING"_

_She ignored him._

_"Please... we can play... Puss wants a corner?"_

_She didn't bother to dignify that with a reply._

_"Tag"_

_"Come on Carter... TAG! Please?"_

_"No"_

_"PLEASE?"_

_"No!"_

_With a quick move, he jerked the laptop out of her arms. "Play or I'll drop it"_

_"Sir!"_

_"Come on Carter... 30 minutes..."_

_"Sir, are you ok?"_

_"Fine, why?"_

_"TAG?"_

_He sighed, "I like Tag!"_

_She giggled._

_He slapped her shoulder, "You're it!"_

_  
__  
Teal'c watched them run around the room, constantly touching each other and yelling 'You're it'. He did not understand the purpose of such a game. Jaffa children only played games that were pleasing to the 'Gods', which meant training exercises._

_He sighed and watched them relax then begin to talk; they had no such luxury on Earth. While the fight against the Goa'uld was indeed important to him, he couldn't help but wish they could remain there for a substantial amount of time. These warriors deserved a chance at happiness...  
_

_"Favorite Female Alien"_

_"Umm... Lya" Jack said hastily._

_"I like Lya too"_

_"Favorite male alien"_

_Carter paused, "Thor"_

_"Not your Dad?"_

_She frowned at him, "He's not an alien"_

_"Right..."_

_"You sir?"_

_"Thor"_

_"Actually I change my answer. Teal'c"_

_"Teal'c doesn't count Carter"_

_She giggled._

_"Favorite male alien who had a crush on you"_

_She paused. "Can't answer that sir"_

_"Come on... Narim or Martouf?"_

_"Sir, you know with Jolinar I..."_

_"Daniel said Narim had a love meter thing," Jack said slowly in a neutral tome of voice._

_"Kind of"_

_"And that he kissed you"_

_"I was attracted to him sir"_

_"But now?"_

_"I can't. Jolinar made such an imprint on my mind that..." she stopped. "How did we get on this anyways?"_

_"Your idea"_

_"Was not"_

_"Was too"_

_"Wait, you were talking to Daniel about me and Narim?"_

_He squirmed, "We were uh... both drunk and uhh..."_

_She frowned._

_"Hey look, I'm sorry"_

_She looked at her watch and groaned "11:20"_

---

"So?"

Teal'c looked up, "I apologize General Hammond. I was deep in thought"

"That's fine Teal'c. How long did you leave them in there?"

"Until approximately 2000 hours"

---

_"3:00 and all is well"_

_Carter took a bite of her burrito and tried to ignore her CO._

_"Carter, all you have to do is beg and Teal'c will let us out"_

_"I don't think so sir"_

_"Come on..."_

_She shook her head._

_"Whatcha reading?" he tried._

_"A mystery, now Shh"_

_"Who's it by?"_

_"Elizabeth Peters"_

_"What's it called?"_

_"My dear Emerson, be quiet!" she quoted._

_He sighed and grabbed a book at random. "The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh?" he asked._

_Carter barely lifted her eyes off the page. The poor Colonel. There was so little good reading material and..._

_"I love this book!"_

_She shook her head._

--------

"O'Neill much enjoys 'The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh"

Jack began shaking his head, "No, I only read it to bother Carter, honestly"

"What happened when you let them out?"

He smiled...

---

_At Eight O'clock exactly, the door opened and the tall Jaffa appeared._

_"Follow me"_

_They obediently rose and followed him. He led them outdoors and down into the beach. They stared into the middle of the lake with astonishment._

_"Oh Teal'c, you shouldn't have" Carter said staring at it._

_He smiled. "I wished too"_

_"It's great T!"_

---

"What is it that you did?"

Teal'c looked up, "It is in fact a secret"

"Trust me, I'll keep it hush hush" Hammond 'urged'.

"Well..."

* * *

Ok, ya hafta review for more! 

Ok, you don't HAVE TO but they are GREATLY appreciated!

Hope you liked it and weren't too disappointed...

_**And now... the continuation...**_

_**(thought I was done huh? nope!)**_

* * *

"TEAL'C!" 

Jack and Sam suddenly realized what this must be sounding like. Explaining a candle light dinner would NOT be easy...

"Major, Colonel, please leave Teal'c alone"

"General!" Carter appealed. "Please"

Daniel leaned forward, "Something to hide Sam?"

Sam frowned at the look of glee on his face. "No Daniel, I just..." she paused and looked helplessly at Jack.

"Spacemonkey, if you EVER want to look at an interesting ruin for more then five minutes, shut up"

Daniel lapsed into a sulky silence.

"Teal'c..." General Hammond warned.

"I will continue General..."

_---_

_There was a raft like thing bobbing in the middle of the lake. On it was a small table and two chairs. Plates and bowls wobbled precasriously on the table. As they watched, a candle went out._

_"Mount the jet skis"_

_"Teal'c... what are you doing?"_

_He smiled myteriously, "Nothing O'Neill"_

_Carter looked down at her attire. She was wearing denim shorts and a tanktop. Jack was wearing shorts and a thin t-shirt._

_"Teal'c, I think our clothing might be a bit cool..." she began when Teal'c tossed them two sweat shirts._

_"Thanks" she said pulling it on quickly._

_"Let us depart." Teal'c said ushering them to the Jet Skis. Jack and Carter got on theirs still wondering what Teal'c was doing,_

_He got on his 'ski "Let's go"_

_They followed him to the platform. Teal'c turned off his and helped Sam onto the platform. Jack hopped off._

_"What is this?"_

_"I have made you dinner"_

_"Why?"_

_Teal'c looked hurt, "I need an excuse O'Neill?"_

_"No... but"_

_"I will be back..."_

---

"I made dinner for Major Carter and O'Neill. That is all that transpired"

"Really?" someone asked.

Everyone looked up surprised only to see Walter in the doorway.

"Saeargent?"

"I uhh... just came to give these to you sir" he said flushing while handing the General some papers.

"Thank you, dismissed"

Teal'c struggled to hide a smile. The technician was correct. That was not all that had transpired.

---

_Teal'c watched as the talk grew more and more intense. Suddenly, Jack leaned over and kissed her. According to Sam's facial expression she hadn't been expecting it but she quickly returned it. It grew more and more passionate. Teal'c was about to break it up when Jack said something. Carter retaliated half laughing as she spoke. The two raced for their skis. _

_---_

"Teal'c?"

"We had a race sir" Jack cut in.

"We?"

"Carter and I"

General Hammond wanted to shake them. There was obviously more to this story then they were saying...

"No life... without a wife..."

"What?" General Hammond sputtered.

Jack looked up, "What?" he asked.

"What about a wife?"

Jack looked confused. "Wife? What? I... oh" he laughed, "It's a movie sir"

"What movie?" Davis demanded.

"Bride and Prejudice..."

Janet hurried in, "Sir, permission to join the briefing"

He hesitated, "Doctor?"

Janet gave him a pleading look, "I want to hear Sam's explanation about the hickey on her neck."

"JANET!" Sam exploded.

"Permission granted. Major Carter, you get talking"

Sam slapped a hand over her face, "Sir..."

"Major..."

"Well..."

* * *

Well... did you like it? I hoped you did and PLEASE review...

I repeat my earlier threat... not.. ok, yeah... beddy bye I go...


	9. Fish and Teal'c revenge

**Thank you:** tigerule05, Michael Shanks Girl, powerflowergirl, pirate98, papergirl222, Stargate-Rocks, SGCFan4ever, stargate4jesus, Californian Girl, Girlzrule17, Jaggie-Fan, Starkid42, Hotchickdude, pink-panther32, BookWorm37 (lol), divcon, Aligewe, Amanders, jen8f9, peterpiper, Bookw0rm, Soccer-Bitch, Jennyvre Moss, Sci Fi Fan Gillian, Sara Loughlin, Vampirehelsing, and StargateFan, **for reviewing! (If I missed you, I'm SO sorry and thanks)**

**Oh, I love writing this story! Glad you guys like it so far, and I hope you like this chapter!**

**

* * *

**

**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

Janet hurried in, "Sir, permission to join the briefing"

He hesitated, "Doctor?"

Janet gave him a pleading look, "I want to hear Sam's explanation about the hickey on her neck."

"JANET!" Sam exploded.

"Permission granted. Major Carter, you get talking"

Sam slapped a hand over her face, "Sir..."

"Major..."

"Well..."

**_And now... the continuation! _**

**_

* * *

_**

Teal'c attempted to hide the look of glee on his face as his teammate mumbled something about fish, 'sir's', and revenge.

"What?"

She looked up, her face a becoming shade of brick red, "Sir, it's... complicated"

"I have all the time in the world Major"

"Sir, nothing happened, I swear. It was a fish"

"Major, I wasn't born yesterday"

"No sir, it was!"

---

_"I win again" _

_Jack and Carter frowned. "Teal'c, what did you go to my 'ski?" she demanded. _

_Teal'c shook his head, "I did not damage your jet ski in any way Major Carter" _

_She shrugged. "Ready, set, go!" she called suddenly wheeling around and going full blast._

_Jack and Teal'c sputtered then raced to catch up. _

_Sam in the lead, was skillfully navigating the make shift course Teal'c had set up when her ski (for no apparent reason) flipped over. _

_"CARTER!" _

_------ _

"My ski flipped over sir. Some type of fish grabbed a hold of my neck. The Colonel had to pull it off"

"Colonel?"

"That's true sir"

"Teal'c?" Hammond tried.

Teal'c raised a brow but nodded, "Indeed"

-----

_"HELP JACK! GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!" _

_Jack looked at her. "Grab what Car..." he paused. "Oh my" with that he firmly pulled the small purple fish off his beautiful 2IC's neck. _

_She instantly began massaging it. "It was giving me a hickey!" _

_"You mean it GAVE you one" _

_She grimaced, "Hopefully it'll be a while before we go back. Don't know how I'd explain this..." _

_"Carter... we've explained way wackier things" _

_"Like what?" she challenged. _

_"Umm... Urgo..." he tried. _

_"They didn't believe us" _

_"For a while..." _

_"Major Carter, are you injured?" Teal'c called. _

_"I'm ok, let's head back" she stopped, "Where's my ski?" _

**_KABOOM_**

_"Umm... why don't you ride with me?" Jack suggested. _

_"My ski just blew up" _

_"Yep" _

_She sighed and obediently hopped on the back of his ski. "Ready sir" she called. _

_"I'm not," he whispered almost inaudibly. "Here I go..." _

_------ _

"My ski blew up so we headed back home, went to bed and I guess day seven begins" she said, finishing with what she hoped to be a convincing smile.

General Hammond looked at the clock. "We'll take a 15 minute break. Dismissed"

Jack and Sam were out the door in less time then you could say 'They're lying'.

-------

Sam practically ran into the commissary. Ignoring the coffee pot, she headed into the kitchen area.

"Miles..." she began with a smile, "Can I please have a mocha cappuccino?"

"It's the General's private stash..." the young Lt. began uncertainly.

"He'll understand"

He nodded.

-----

Jack hurried into the previously used storeroom and laughed himself to tears. Poor George. They had him SO confused...

-------

"Continue Major" Jack ordered as they resumed their seats.

Carter inwardly wanted to kick her CO; why did he make her tell all the bad stuff? How were they going to explain all of this?

"Well, umm..." she paused. "Just a second sir, I need to think"

Hammond frowned but nodded.

_"Ok..." _

------

_Carter hopped off the Jet Ski. "Thank you sir," she mumbled. _

_"Anytime" he said gallantly. _

_She made a face at Teal'c and hurried inside the house. _

_"Teal'c! She could have been hurt!" Jack said the second Carter 'beamed' herself into the house. _

_"I would not have allowed to be harmed O'Neill" _

_"Why'd you blow up her ski?" _

_"Now you must share a jet ski" _

_"Teal'c... this... obsession that you have for Carter and me to be together is... absurd. You're like a shipper" _

_"What is a shipper?" _

_"A person who wishes two people to get together" _

_"I am a shipper then" _

_"Teal'c!" _

_"O'Neill, go away, you are bothering me" _

_Jack stared at him, "T-man?" _

_"O'Neill, do not make me resort to violence" _

_"Ooo...kay" and with that Jack headed into the dash as the bright light testified. _

_Teal'c laughed... _

_---- _

"Teal'c?"

He looked up.

"Perhaps you could fill us in..."

Jack and Carter glared at their General.

"I believe I will"

"TEAL'C!"

"I was not satisfied that they were truly repentant for their actions..."

"So what did you do?"

He smiled. "I locked them out"

-----

_"Major Carter, O'Neill. Come with me" _

_"Why?" Carter asked shaking her freshly showered hair. _

_"The Stargate has been activated." _

_Jack and Sam beamed themselves down. As soon as they were gone, Teal'c picked up the stone and moved the little black laser 'thingy'. _

_"TEAL'C!" they called. _

_He looked down from the balcony. "Can you hear me?" he yelled. _

_"Yeahsureyoubetcha!" _

_He smiled and tossed down a bag. "A tent. Good night" _

_"WHAT?" they cried. Jack tried the beamer. It didn't work. _

_"TEAL'C JAFFA GET OUT HERE NOW!" _

_"Good night. Sleep well" _

_"We can climb the stairs" _

_"I do not recommend it. Good night!" _

_They stared at each other. "Are you sure this is OUR Teal'c?" Carter asked. _

_"No." Jack said firmly. "Teal'c is a sensible man" _

_"What's with him anyways?" _

_"He's a shipper" _

_"Of whom?" _

_"Us" _

_She sputtered, "US?" _

_"Yep" _

_"TEAL'C?" _

_"Yep" _

_"Wow" _

_"It's kind of obvious Carter" _

_"Well yeah but..." _

_Jack was examining the tent. He looked up, "TEAL'C!" he yelled, "This is only one tent" _

_"I am aware of that O'Neill" the calm voice floated down. _

_"It's a LITTLE tent" _

_"Sleep well, once again I offer my wishes for your peaceful slumber" _

_"Thanks Teal'c" Carter said automatically. _

_Jack sighed, "Let's set this thing up..." _

_Five minutes later... _

_"Where are the blankets?" _

_Carter froze, "Umm... he gave us some... didn't he?" _

_"Nope" _

_"It's cold at night" _

_"Yep" _

_"TEAL'C!" _

_------_

_Up on the balcony, Teal'c smiled and continued his kel'nor'reeming... _

_------_

_"I'm going to climb up there..." Sam said suddenly. _

_"Carter, he said..." _

_She tried the first step. "It's fine sir..." she began when she slipped. "GROSS" _

_"What?" _

_"Syrup" _

_"I guess that's what this is for..." Jack said holding up her swimsuit. _

_She made a face then dashed for the lake. Jack chuckled and turned back to the tent... _

------

"In God's name WHY?"

"I thought they could benefit from a night alone"

"WHAT?" everyone shrieked.

"I wanted to make sure that they were genuinely repentant."

"Oh" they all muttered.

"Ok... Teal'c... more?"

"Very well..."

-------

_Carter came back ten minutes later sopping wet, "Brr... Sir, can you pass me a towel?" _

_Jack paused, "There are no towels Carter..." _

_She looked up, "No towels?" _

_"No" _

_She shivered again, "I'm going to freeze to death," she muttered. _

_Jack peeled off his sweatshirt and tossed it to her. "Don't want you catching cold"_

_"Thank you Jack," she whispered._

_"You're welcome"_

_"Is the tent ready?"_

_He nodded, "You can camp in there, I'll stay outdoors."_

_"Sir, it's too cold"_

_"I'll be all right"_

_Carter shook her head. "Come on sir"_

_Jack hesitated then nodded. "Ok"_

_-----_

_Teal'c knew nothing would happen between them but for one night... they could be Jack and Sam. He quietly rose up and gathering his candles, he entered the house._

_-----_

Teal'c was about to continue when Daniel broke in with "Sam, where'd you that hickey?"

"I told you. From the fish"

"No, I mean the one on your shoulder..."

She darted a quick glance at Jack who refused to look up from the table. "I uhh... don't remember" she muttered.

"Major?" George Hammond prodded.

Carter gave him a pleading glance. He relented. She still had 'that' look that had allowed her to get away with pretty much ANYTHING as a kid.

"So, describe day 7..."

"We woke up and Teal'c let us in..."

----

_Teal'c met them at the 'door'. "Are you angry with me?" _

_"No" they said simultaneously._

_"Good. I have made one of my favorite Earth breakfasts. Chocolate chip waffles"_

_They smiled. "Good, I'm starved" Sam said brushing past him._

_"Are you angry O'Neill?" Teal'c asked quietly._

_"No, thanks buddy" Jack said in the same tone._

_Carter hurried back in the room, "Mickey Mouse Teal'c?"_

_"Yes. I believe that is the 'image' of Disney World, is it not?"_

_She nodded._

_He smiled, "I am glad you are pleased." he waited until Jack had left before adding, "I have redecorated O'Neill's room"_

_"How?" she asked curiously._

_A door opened and the sound of the theme song to MacGyver filled the halls._

_"TEAL'C!"_

_-------_

"Teal'c, I mean no offense, but isn't this taking the revenge thing a little far? Locking them in all day, locking them out..." Paul began when he caught the amused glances from SG-1 directed towards him.

"No"

Heshrugged and turned back to his report. Janet seemed unusually hyperactive; She kept fidgeting.

"Dr. Fraiser?"

Janet looked up, "Sir?"

"Do you have something to add?"

"Oh no sir, I'm just hoping they will say something really interesting"

"Janet... what do you know that I don't?" Daniel asked.

"More then you know that I don't" she replied.

"Wanna trade info?"

"Absolutely"

"Ok... coffee, later?"

"JANET! DANIEL!" Jack and Carter exclaimed nearly simultaneously.

"What?" they asked innocently.

"You can't... do that to me! Janet, we're best friends!" Sam exclaimed.

Janet shook her head; "You withheld all of this Samantha Carter so you be quiet"

Carter glared at her but wisely remained silent.

"Day seven?"

"We checked in sir. Well, that is, we dialed..."

"Who went?"

"Colonel and I" Teal'c said.

Davis eyed Teal'c. "You are a brave man"

"Why do you say that?"

"Leaving a woman whom you had locked out all night and that had slipped in syrup? I mean... I'd be crazy before I'd do that"

"As was I..."

"What do you mean?" Hammond asked.

"Major Carter was able to... get her revenge"

"Ok, you guys sound like a bunch of kids!" Daniel exploded "I mean this is like a adult version of Parent Trap!"

Carter blushed. Jack studied the table, while Teal'c looked unmoved.

"I mean... you guys range from 30 to 100! I mean, COME ON!"

"Dr. Jackson?"

Daniellooked over at the General. "Sorry sir, I don't know what came over me"

He nodded rather curtly, "Colonel, why don't you take over what happened?"

"With pleasure, SIR. Now..."

Carter moaned...

* * *

This chapter was so difficult to write! My original chapter disappeared and Ican't remember what the heck I wrote! 

So, anyways, hope you liked it and that it didn't seem to be too stupid, plotless... yeah... you get the picture.

Ok, only a few chapters left!

PLEASE review! Please! (gets on knees)


	10. Sam's revenge and Hailstones

**Thank you:** tigerule05, Michael Shanks Girl, powerflowergirl, pirate98, papergirl222, Stargate-Rocks, SGCFan4ever, stargate4jesus, Californian Girl, Girlzrule17, Jaggie-Fan, Starkid42, Hotchickdude, pink-panther32, BookWorm37, Aligewe, Amanders, Bookw0rm, Soccer-Bitch, divcon, JackSam (holding you to that) Sci Fi Fan Gillian, Lou (Thanks!) StargateFan, Mackenise Jackson, Vampirehelsing, deathstreet89, Darth Tater, SilverRider, and primax (Welcome back!)**for reviewing! (If I missed you, I'm SO sorry and thanks)**

**Oh, I love writing this story! Glad you guys like it so far, and I hope you like this chapter!**

**

* * *

**

**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

"Major Carter was able to... get her revenge"

"Ok, you guys sound like a bunch of kids!" Daniel exploded "I mean this is like a adult version of Parent Trap!"

Carter blushed. Jack studied the table, while Teal'c looked unmoved.

"I mean... you guys range from 30 to 100! I mean, COME ON!"

"Dr. Jackson?"

Daniel looked over at the General. "Sorry General, I don't know what came over me"

He nodded rather curtly, "Colonel, why don't you take over what happened?"

"With pleasure, SIR. Now..."

Carter moaned.

**_And now... the continuation! _**

**_

* * *

_**

"Now... Teal'c and I go along, dial it up. No answer, so we come back home. Carter had wanted to stay behind to 'wash out the syrup in her hair and get cleaned up in general'. We being the suckers we are, felt pity on this poor creature and left to her scheming, unaware were we..."

------

_Carter grinned evilly and headed for the pantry. Grabbing the syrup bottle, she chuckled. 'This will teach Teal'c to put syrup on the stairs' she thought _

_------ _

"She booby trapped the whole place"

"Sir, that's a bit of an exaggeration! Only 5 rooms"

"This house had what, ten, eleven rooms?"

"Twelve actually"

Jack rolled his eyes, "Syrup, water, whipped cream, bubble gum..."

"That's why you got your hair cut!" Daniel exclaimed.

Jack stared at the archeologist. "I got my hair cut BEFORE I left for the mission"

"Right" the archeologist muttered.

"Soda, PEANUT butter, flour, cornstarch, and ALL of the red jello"

Sam giggled and reached for her pocket. "There was one left," she said tossing it to Teal'c.

"You little... CARTER!" Jack complained. "Teal'c, toss it here"

"Major Carter has given it to me. I believe I shall keep it"

"CARTER! How could you DO THAT TO ME?"

"Easily sir"

He glowered at her. "See General?" he hissed, "She's evil"

"I am not!" Sam protested.

"You are so!" he stopped and glared at her some more.

Carter only gave him a sweet glance and turned to wink at Janet.

"Teal'c, what exactly happened?" Hammond demanded.

"Well..."

------

_Jack opened the door whistling gaily, "Honey, I'm home... WHOA" _

_He went sliding across the syrup-creamed floor and crashed into a full of a water/flour paste. _

_"CARTER!" he yelled spitting out the mixture. _

_"Sir?" an astonished voice called. "I'm in my lab, you need something?" _

_"Did you...?" _

_"Did I what sir?" the 'puzzled' voice asked. _

_"Never mind" he hollered. _

_Sam, in her trusty old' lab, tried not to giggle. She couldn't help it; everything was going so great... _

_Teal'c walked carefully across the floor, "O'Neill, this is how.." _

_THUD _

_"You were saying?" _

_Teal'c slowly stood up. Waving his hand around, he felt two or three more threads. He pulled them. Red and yellow 'stuff' came pouring on top of Jack's head. Too late did Teal'c spy the pail well concealed. _

_"I am sorry O'Neill!" he called. He attempted to stifle a laugh. Jack was standing up, his clothes completely covered with... unknown substances. He looked very unhappy. _

_"I'm going to get you Carter!" _

_------- _

"Major Carter had 'booby trapped the house'. O'Neill fell victim to the majority of her pranks"

"How long were you guys stuck there?" Daniel asked suddenly.

"Approximately twelve days"

"Twelve days?"

"Well Daniel, P4X-234's orbit has exactly 20 hours"

"So you guys were on for two days longer... basically. Ten days for us, Twelve for you"

"Yeah"

Major Paul Davis couldn't conceal his glee. 5 days worth of briefings. This was getting good! Revenge, hickeys, MacGyver (he loved that show!)...

"What are you grinning at?" Jack muttered.

He quickly wiped the smirk off his face. "Nothing sir" he said respectfully.

Jack frowned at him as Teal'c continued his recital of Carter's wrongdoings...

------

_Carter grinned as he CO went sliding down the hall. A second later there was a howl of protest, "MY REDJELLO?" _

_"Don't worry sir... I still have four pies saved" _

_Jack appeared in the doorway, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Carter, bathing suit. Now" _

_"Sir?" _

_"Trust me..." _

_--------- _

Teal'c stopped mid-sentence. "Day Seven, the afternoon" he began

"But Teal'c, you didn't..." General Hammond began.

"Day seven, the afternoon"

George wisely merely nodded. All teams had their 'little' secrets...

Daniel was listening to Janet whisper something. His eyes widened "Jello sliding?"

-----------

_"WEEEEEEEEEEEE" _

_Jack watched as his very sexy 2IC flew past him ending with a slight crash at the end of the hall. _

_"O'Neill, what is the point of this?" _

_"To have fun T" _

_"You will ruin your clothing" _

_Jack shrugged, "Come on, it's fun" he called beginning his run on the red jello 'track'. _

_Teal'c watched as Jack crashed into the wall rather violently. "Are you alright O'Neill?" _

_"Peachy" he called. "Try it" _

_"I will not attempt it" _

_--------------- _

General Hammond ached to question them but by the look on their faces, he wouldn't be getting a very good answer. He snorted. A fish indeed.

"General?" Major Carter questioned.

He looked up, "Begin Major"

"Well..."

-----------

_"Truce?" _

_Jack nodded. "That was mean though. This paste stuff is glued to me it seems" _

_She nodded, "Serves you right!" _

_"What'd I do?" he asked, really astonished. _

_"This is for making me wear that blue dress on Simarka" _

_"And Teal'c?" _

_"For 'trapping the stairs" _

_"I see..." _

_"That's Teal'c's line" _

_"So?" _

_"You stole it" _

_"Think he copyrighted it?" _

_She shrugged "Who knows?" _

_Jack shook his head, "I can't believe we are doing this" _

_"Doing what?" _

_"Sitting her and talking about Teal'c" _

_"Let's go swimming," they said simultaneously. _

_------------ _

"Supper time approached. It was uneventful. We cleaned up the cabin. It was uneventful. Bedtime approached."

"Anything happen then?"

Teal'c nodded "Indeed"

Carter was on her feet a second later, "Sir, this is has no bearing on what happened on the planet, I **entreat** you to not listen to this"

"General, I'll cut my briefings half and hour if we can hear this" Daniel asked.

Carter shot him a pleading glance. Daniel relented. "Never mind"

"Is this personal?" Hammond asked.

"Yes sir"

"Highly personal?"

"Yes sir"

"Does it have to do with your CO?"

"NO sir!"

"Then, we'll move on"

She sat down and gave a deep sigh of relief. She knew the technicians were listening in. Imagine ten guys knowing what had happened... two was bad enough...

---------

_Carter was getting ready for bed when she felt a familiar cramp. Hurrying into the bathroom she looked. _

_"Shoot" she mumbled. Did the Asgard remember... she frowned and hurried into the other room. _

_- _

_"And Homer's like "I..." he looked up as a terrific crash was heard. Instantly on the alert, he glanced around "Where's Carter?" _

_"Preparing for her slumber" _

_"Carter?" he called. _

_- _

_Carter winced as her stacks of tinned goods tumbled over. "I'm fine" she called. _

_- _

_Jack hurried to the door, zat drawn followed by a curious Jaffa. He hurried in to see the room was in shambles. Cans and various other merchandise was scattered across the floor. "Sam?" _

_- _

_Carter sighed. Could she disappear NOW? "I'm fine sir! Just looking for something!" _

_"What?" he asked peering around the corner. She was digging through boxes. _

_She looked up "Something" she mumbled. _

_"What?" he persisted. _

_"Nothing! Now go!" _

_Jack stared at her for a moment then his eyes widened, "Oh... that" _

_She glared, "Yes, now GO!" _

_"I can help" _

_"Sir, this is embarrassing enough, the last..." _

_"Are you looking for the thin plastic things that humans wear?" _

_"Tampons" Jack supplied. _

_"I see. May I assist you?" _

_She was about to snap when she saw that the guys were genuinely interested in helping her. "Yeah, thanks" _

_An hour later... _

_"There isn't a blasted one!" _

_"Major Carter. Will these do?" _

_Carter caught the plastic package he tossed her. She nodded. "Thanks Teal'c" _

_"Pads" Jack mumbled. "Where'd you find these T?" _

_"In your bedroom O'Neill. They were supporting your bed which is now resting on the floor" _

_"Hey, it took me an hour to set that up! Speaking of the floor Carter, it's still a bit sticky" _

_Carter rolled her eyes, "I'll take care of it later" she said. It had taken them three hours of hard work to clean up the cabin with only Jack complaining. _

_"I'm going to bed now. Night sir" _

_"Night!" _

------

"Day Eight was a fairly boring day," Jack said with a slight sigh.

"What happened?"

"We got up. We ate. We ate pie. We played my play station. We ate lunch. We ate ice cream..."

"That's it?"

"Basically"

"What happened?"

"Our check in..."

------

_Jack, Carter and Teal'c headed towards the gate, Teal'c looking uneasily at the sky. _

_"T, RELAX!" Jack finally demanded, "You're freaking Carter out!" _

_"ME Jack? More like YOU" _

_"I am SO not freaked out." _

_"Whatever" _

_"O'Neill. We must find shelter" _

_"Why?" Jack began when something hit him. _

_"Oww!" _

_"Wow... it's hailing..." _

_"TAKE COVER!" Jack yelled dashed for the nearby trees. _

_------ _

"It started hailing. Hard"

------

_Carter winced as yet another piece of frozen ice hit her. There were the size of large pebbles and they hurt like heck! _

_Jack passed her his shirt. "It'll help," he said rubbing his arms to keep warm. _

_She wanted to protest but for one thing, her CO was only wearing an undershirt and shorts now and he looked hot and two... it did help. _

_Teal'c didn't appear affected by the weather. He stood there peering out. "It will not let up soon O'Neill"_

_"Ok... let's play a game"_

_"TAG?" Sam said sarcastically._

_"Funny. Never have I"_

_"What is that O'Neill?"_

_"It's a game Teal'c"_

_"How does one play?"_

_"Sir, let's not," Carter said. "Dare"_

_"Dare?"_

_"Dare"_

_"What is Dare?"_

_"You dare someone to do something. That's basically it"_

_"That's boring!"_

_"So? _

_"Never have I is..."_

_"A college game that I don't want to play"_

_"Carter..."_

_"No"_

_"Ok, fine. Teal'c, listen to me..." he stopped and thought. "Never have I... been a Jaffa"_

_"This I know O'Neill"_

_"No, see, if I haven't done it, and you have, you have to do something"_

_"What must I do?"_

_"Umm... sing 'Mary had a little lamb' "_

_"I am unfamiliar with that song"_

_"Row, row, row, your boat?"_

_"No"_

_"Twinkle, Twinkle?"_

_"No"_

_Teal'c suddenly smiled "I must hum the MacGyver theme song"_

_"Whatever"_

_Teal'c obediently hummed it. "What do I say O'Neill?"_

_"You say... Never Have I... then think of something"_

_"Never have I... served Apophis"_

_"Good one" Jack mumbled._

_Carter rolled her eyes. She hated this game. She and Jonas had played it by the hour before they had broke up. Every since then she could barely tolerate the game. But it was fun watching Teal'c play..._

_"Never have I been kissed by Major Carter"_

_Jack choked but hummed the theme song._

_-------_

"The rain stopped finally. We dialed home. You guys didn't answer so we headed home."

"Day 9?"

Carter and Jack both looked over at Daniel and Janet who were whispering suspiciously.

"You guys! Cut it out" Jack ordered.

"This is fascinating Jack!"

"Carter!I told you not to tell her anything!"

"Sir, she threatened me with her biggest needle!"

Jack muttered something about an Air Force officer never being scared of needles.

"Who wants to narrate day 9?" Hammond asked.

"I DO!" all three cried.

"Colonel?" Hammond asked uncertainly.

"I do sir"

"General Hammond, I think perhaps I had best narate these events" Teal'c said firmly while Carter pleaded for him to 'pick' her.

"Major Carter. Please continue"

Jack groaned and Teal'c smacked his forehead.

"Well..."

* * *

Remeber, Carter says she's been dialing home for over a week? I figured that that could mean 10 days and then add two more...

I'm holding a certain someone to their promise to review...

Hoped you liked it and PLEASE review!


	11. Concussions and Snow

_JackSam: (clears throat) Whoops. I didn't meant to do it twice, honest! _

**Thank you:** tigerule05, Michael Shanks Girl, powerflowergirl, pirate98, papergirl222, Stargate-Rocks, SGCFan4ever, stargate4jesus, Californian Girl, Girlzrule17, Jaggie-Fan, Starkid42, Hotchickdude, pink-panther32, BookWorm37, Aligewe, Bookw0rm, Soccer-Bitch, divcon, HopeGace-MLH, Stoko (Whoops! Thanks for pointing that out!) , Sci Fi Fn Gillian, JackSam, Vampirehelsing, Darth Tater, Sara Loughlin, SilverRider, StargateFan,and primax **for reviewing! (If I missed you, I'm SO sorry and thanks)**

**Did the title of the chapter scare you? Sorry, I had too... (you: I didn't even notice...)**

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* * *

**

**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

"Who wants to narrate day 9?" Hammond asked.

"I DO!" all three cried.

"Colonel?" Hammond asked uncertainly.

"I do sir"

"General Hammond, I think perhaps I had best narrate these events," Teal'c said firmly while Carter pleaded for him to 'pick' her.

"Major Carter. Please continue"

Jack groaned and Teal'c smacked his forehead.

"Well..."

**_Now... the continuation! _**

**_

* * *

_**

_Carter yawned and opened her eyes, stretching luxuriously over her extremely comfortable bed. _

_She opened one eye and groaned. The theme song to the Simpson's was blaring throughout the house. Couldn't one sleep in once in a while? _

_"JACK! TURN THAT DOWN OR YOU'LL BE SORRY," she yelled pulling the comforter over her head. _

_The music turned down. _

_"Thank you" she muttered. _

_5 minutes later... _

_"JACK!" _

_"WHAT?" he yelled back. _

_"I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!" _

_"SO SLEEP!" _

_"I CAN'T WITH THAT INFERNAL RACKET PLAYING!" _

_"IT'S THE SIMPSONS!" _

_"SO?" _

_"SO IT'S NOT RACKET!" _

_Carter pushed her covers back and stormed into the 'Living room'. Jack was sprawled on the couch drinking a beer and watching the Simpson's, volume full blast. _

_"JACK!" _

_He looked up startled. "Carter? What are you doing in here?" _

_She brought her pillow down hard. "That!" she yelled. While Jack indignantly pushed the pillow off, she yanked the DVD player and sped off. Before Jack could stop her, she tossed it off the balcony. _

_"NOOOOO!" _

_-------- _

"Colonel O'Neill was bothering Teal'c and myself so I rid us of the... distraction"

"I was not disturbed Major Carter. It was you-"

"Thank you Teal'c," she said firmly trying to ignore the interruption.

"What exactly did you do Major?"

"She tossed the DVD player off the balcony sir!" Jack called.

"And injured me in the process"

"How?"

Carter sighed, "It hit him sir..."

------

_Teal'c had just returned from a nice refreshing walk when he looked up to see... something ten inches away from him. Before he could move, it hit him and he crumpled to the ground._

_"Oh my god Carter, you killed him!" Jack cried._

_Carter fumbled with the beaming device. "No I didn't," she mumbled. "I couldn't have! He's a Jaffa..."_

_---------_

"I was not gravely injured"

"You had a bad concussion," Jack said rather maliciously looking over at the scarlet Carter.

"Well, SIR,if you hadn't turned the music up full blast..."

"Colonel, Major!"

"Sorry sir" they chorused.

"MAJOR, please continue"

"Yes sir"

--------

_"Teal'c, are you all right?"_

_"Woman be silent!"_

_Carter froze. "Did he just call me a woman?"_

_"You ARE one Carter, calm down"_

_"But..."_

_"Carter, just help the poor man" _

_Teal'c's eyes shot open. "I am fine. Do not worry, I shall recover in a moment"_

_"Teal'c, I am SO sorry!" she began when he grabbed her arm._

_"Teal'c?"_

_"I would like a vinegar soaked cucumber"_

_"A what?" Jack asked._

_"Pickle" Carter said, "I don't think we have any..."_

_"Ten lafi jen ja" Teal'c suddenly said._

_"Carter?"_

_"I don't know sir" she said "He has a concussion but..."_

_"Dance!"_

_---------_

"After MUCH effort, we got Teal'c into the house... it was a while until he came too"

-------

_"Star Wars is a great movie O'Neill!"_

_"Yeah Teal'c" Jack gasped dropping him on the bed,_

_"I am a Jaffa, bred to serve my god..." Teal'c suddenly sang._

_"Is he... drunk?" Carter whispered._

_"No..." Jack said dubiously "I don't think so. That was some toss Carter"_

_She glared at him. "Now we just let him rest..."_

_"And I will do my best" he warbled._

_Jack concealed a smile. "Let's go Carter"_

_She nodded and the two escaped. As soon as the door opened, Teal'c grinned. "Perhaps this could work to my advantage…" he said quietly._

--------

"Teal'c rested for a while then he seemed... fine"

"Seemed?"

Carter gave a quick glance at the Jaffa before continuing, "He said a few peculiar things..."

"Like what?"

"Umm..."

---------

_"Does not Major Carter look 'hot' as you say?" Teal'c stage whispered to Jack._

_"Teal'c!"_

_"What'd he say now?" Carter called from the kitchen._

_"Nothing!" he yelled. "Teal'c!" he hissed. "You can't say things like that!"_

_"Why?" the big man asked rather petulantly._

_"I..."_

_Beep Beep Beep Beep_

_"Jesus Christ Carter!" Jack muttered as smoke billowed from the kitchen. _

_She rushed triumphantly carrying a baking sheet. "It's done!"_

_Jack eyed the pizza cautiously. "It's not burnt" he said surprised._

_"No... That's the other one..."_

_Teal'c eyed the pizza mournfully. "There will not be enough for us all"_

_Carter handed him a gallon of ice cream. "That'll help"_

_"Thank you Major Carter"_

_They ate quietly, each lost in their own thoughts. _

_"O'Neill, will you box?"_

_"What?" Jack asked looking up. _

_"I have found some gloves, will you box with me?"_

_Jack looked longingly at Teal'c's ice cream. "Can I have the rest?"_

_"No"_

_"Sure then"_

_-----_

"We boxed a bit after lunch" Jack put in.

General Hammond rubbed his forehead. "They gave you a boxing ring?"

"Oh no sir. We made one"

------

_"Owe"_

_"Are you all right O'Neill?"_

_"Peachy"_

_Carter giggled. "You look great on the floor Jack"_

_"Shut up" he muttered accepting Teal'c's assistance up._

_Carter marveled at their ingenuity. They had built a boxing ring out of gym mats and many totes... lots of them. Carter was pleasantly occupied watching them box when Jack froze. _

_"Is it..." he paused. "I don't believe it"_

_"What?"_

_"Carter, it's..."_

_"Sir?"_

_Jack pulled off his gloves and raced for the balcony. _

_"Has he lost his mind?" she demanded._

_"Indeed"_

_They followed him out. _

_"I don't believe it!"_

_Teal'c followed her. "It is most peculiar" Teal'c agreed._

_--------_

What was?" Davis demanded.

"Snow"

"I thought P4X-" Daniel began when Carter interrupted "It is normally a tropical planet but there is a unusual phenomenon that happens in late spring."

"Hmm..."

Hammond secretly cursed himself for being a General. No fair, his officers had all the fun!

"Should I continue sir?"

"Yes"

------------

_"Carter, grab your skates, we are going skating!" Jack whooped._

_"Skates sir?"she asked uncertainly._

_"There's a little pond 'bout half a mile north. Let's go there"_

_"O'Neill, the water will take time to freeze."_

_"Oh yeah" he said with a small frown._

_"But sir... we could go sledding, I mean look at this! The snow is already half an inch deep!"_

_Jack smiled. "We have those sled thingies"_

_She laughed, "Yes sir"_

_"Let's grab 'em and head out!"_

_----------_

"We stayed outside most of the afternoon sledding sir" Carter admitted.

"Don't forget the snowball fight" Jack put in.

Carter flushed but nodded. "Yep, we had a snowball fight"

The General was watching the curious glances the team was exchanging with each other. Janet obviously knew what was going on.  
"Doctor?" he called.

She looked up guiltily "Sir?"

"What do you know about this fight?"

"Uhh..."

"Speak up"

She gave Sam a miserable look and obediently began to talk...

* * *

MUHAHAHA... well, I know it's shorter then usual but I'll write a longer one next time... 

Hoped you liked it and PLEASE review!


	12. Skating and Snowballs

_JackSam: LOL! Reminding you twice!  
StargateFan: I almost died laughing reading your review!  
SilverRider: No, no, no! Write your fics!_

**Thank you:** tigerule05, Michael Shanks Girl, powerflowergirl, pirate98, papergirl222, Stargate-Rocks, SGCFan4ever, divcon, stargate4jesus, Californian Girl, Girlzrule17, Jaggie-Fan, Starkid42, Hotchickdude, pink-panther32, BookWorm37, Aligewe, Bookw0rm, Soccer-Bitch, JackSam, Vampirehelsing, Amanders, SilverRider, StargateFan, deathstreet89, and primax **for reviewing! (If I missed you, I'm SO sorry and thanks) **

**Wow, I'm down to three stories and I still have problems updating them in a timely fashion! (sigh)**

**Ok, the title for the last chapter is fixed... I hope you like this chapter! **

**

* * *

**

**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

"We stayed outside most of the afternoon sledding sir" Carter admitted.

"Don't forget the snowball fight" Jack put in.

Carter flushed but nodded. "Yep, we had a snowball fight"

The General was watching the curious glances the team was exchanging with each other. Janet obviously knew what was going on.  
"Doctor?" he called.

She looked up guiltily "Sir?"

"What do you know about this fight?"

"Uhh..."

"Speak up"

She gave Sam a miserable look and obediently began to talk...

**_Now... the continuation! _**

**_

* * *

_**

"I uhh... well, that is Sam said that uhh... well, you see sir, I-I..."

"Doctor" the General said softly "Please"

She blushed "I'm sorry sir, anyways..."

"Doctor!"

"Right..."

---------

_Sam eyed the pond dubiously. "Sir..." _

_"Carter, I am a pond extraordinaire!" _

_She winced as he pushed a huge rock onto the lake. The ice didn't crack.  
"That's your method?" she hissed. _

_"Yep!" _

_She sighed, "I..." _

_"Chicken?" _

_"No! Just cautious!" _

_Teal'c raised his eyebrows "I do not think I will participate in your game O'Neill" _

_"Oh come on..." _

_"I will bring us warm beverages" and with that he ran away. _

_"I suppose we should probably wait a bit longer for the ice to firm up" Jack said reluctantly "We can't go skating when it's snowing." he sat down and stared wishfully at the pond. _

_- _

_Carter slowly rolled a ball and then with a swift move threw it and then dashed for the trees. _

_- _

_Jack had been contemplating skating and the fact that soon he and Carter would be skating over the smooth ice... _

_THWACK _

_His head shot up. "Carter?" he asked incredulously looking down at his snow-covered jacket. A giggle was his answer. _

_"Carter, you're dead!" _

_"I don't think so SIR!"_

_---------------_

"What I've heard, sir, from Major Carter was that they had a very interesting snowball fight," Janet said with a straight face.

"Is that all?" Hammond demanded.

"Yes sir"

He gave her a searching glance. She met his gaze and held it.

"All right Doctor. Thank you"

Carter gave her friend a thankful smile.

"Major?"

She looked up "Sir?"

"Anything YOU'D like to add?"

She flushed guiltily "No sir!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes sir!"

"Very well, continue!"

----------

_Teal'c returned with three immense mugs of chocolate. He was surprised to see his teammates rolling down a snow bank stuffing snow down each other's back- and fronts..._

_"Jack! Remove your hand or I'll bite it"_

_Jack flushed and hurriedly removed his hand. "Sorry" he mumbled. For his apology he got a face full of snow._

_"Carter!" he mumbled._

_She giggled "Gotcha"_

_Teal'c intervened before Jack could 'punish' her properly "O'Neill, I have brought you liquid refreshment"_

_Both paused as they took in their audience. "Oh, Hi Teal'c" Carter mumbled adjusting her jacket._

_"Major Carter" he acknowledged._

_"I'll take one" Jack said holding out his hand for the mug._

_Teal'c gave it to him and turned to Sam. "Major Carter?"_

_She eyed it cautiously then accepted it. The last time he had made some for her, Carter had to force herself to drink it. Almost no chocolate, no fluffy whipped cream, no chocolate shavings... she peered into the mud._

_"Whipped cream?"_

_"Daniel Jackson has informed me this is the way you prefer your beverage" _

_"He's right," she mumbled. "Oh this is heaven" _

_"Carter, that look of…bliss is sickening" _

_"Sorry sir" she mumbled again, her mouth full of brown liquid. _

_"I have also procured donuts, crackers and miniature chocolate bars." _

_Carter was on her feet. With a smooth swoop, she stole all the mini bars. "I like chocolate." _

_"We can tell" _

_She grudgingly threw him a Krackle "Happy?" _

_"No" _

_"Mr. Goodman?" _

_He shuddered. _

_She pouted, "I want the plain chocolates. You can have the rest" _

_"Well that's generous" _

_"O'Neill. Will you not be satisfied with a donut?" _

_"What kinds do you got there?" _

_"Crumb, Powder and Chocolate" _

_"Oh Teal'c gross" Sam said instantly "The chocolate is just like pure wax!" _

_"I most enjoy them" _

_"Bu they are so bad for you! And-" _

_"Carter" _

_"They could-" _

_"Carter!" _

_"Sir?" _

_"Leave him be" he said standing up and brushing the snow off of him. _

_"Yes sir" she muttered stirring her warm chocolate drink with stick of chocolate. _

_"Oh come on, no sulking" _

_"I'm not!" _

_"Are too" _

_"Are not" _

_Teal'c set the tray of food down next to a tree and waited for the inevitable snow fight to begin… _

_- _

"I uh…"

"Cat got your tongue too?"

"No sir, I'm just trying to remember what happens next"

"I see"

"After that..."

"Dinner" Jack put in "Dinner then bed sir"

"Jack, I'm not an idiot" George began when Jack interrupted

"I know that sir, but..." he stopped. "I- I never mind"

He smiled "Continue... Teal'c"

Teal'c inclined his head "It is... as O'Neill said"

"Really?" he said a bit disappointed.

"Yes"

"Very well. Anyone want a donut?"

"What?" SG-1 demanded.

"The staff is having donut and hot chocolate day"

-------

_"Take that!" _

_Teal'c laughed and dodged out of the way of the incoming snowball._

_"Shoot!"_

_It was about 8:00 on the planet and they were..._

_"Ice is firm enough, let's go!"_

_The two sighedand reluctantly followed Jack to the pond. He was already cutting figures eights and fancy figures on the ice._

_"Didn't know you could skate sir"_

_"Lived in Canada for four years. You learn to skate"_

_"I see"_

_Carter tried out her skates. Standing up wobbly she grinned. _

_"Come to me Carter!"_

_"I'll fall"_

_"No you won't, trust me!"_

_She skated a few steps "Sir!"_

_"Carter, trust me!"_

_"If this ice cracks..." she muttered obediently skating towards him._

_"Good job!" he cried seizing her hands. "Your turn Teal'c!"_

_"I do not think I will attempt it. When you tire, return home and I will have supper prepared"_

_"WIMP!" they called._

_He nodded and dashed away._

_"Ever skate before?"_

_"Not since I was three" she said with a shudder "That was bad enough"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"My mom forced me to take lessons. I was three years old! Wearing a pink outfit I skated. I actually passed to the next level"_

_"And?"_

_"I told my mom flat out no way was I ever to participate in such athing ever again"_

_"Why?"_

_"It was... girly! I hung out with boys, played army and memorized star charts. I wasn't fond of 'girly' stuff. Dance was torture"_

_He laughed. "That's my Carter"_

_She froze which resulted in her falling bum first on the ice._

_"Geez Carter!" he mumbled skating over and helping her up._

_"What did you call me?"_

_"Carter" he said looking puzzled._

_She nodded and inwardly sighed. Not my Carter, Carter._

_"What did you think I-"_

_"Never mind, help me again"_

_"Carter-"_

_"Sir-"_

_The two stared at each other. "Come on, show me that move again," she urged._

_He nodded "Ok"_

_-_

_Teal'c watched the two skate hand in hand, looking like pros. They laughed and talked. They twirled. Teal'c sighed. He didn't understand the Air Force rules concerning the fraternization rule. The two lovedeach other... he sighed again and vanished. He would make then dinner then retire and give them more time in which to talk._

_-_

"Day 10?"

"I WILL tell" Jack said firmly before Teal'c and Carter could protest.

Daniel blinked owlishly at him "Ok..." he mumbled through a mouthful of chocolate and power sugar.

Janet whispered something in his ear. He giggled spraying droplets of brown stuff across the table.

"Gross!"

"Sorry" he mumbled.

"Jack?" Hammond questioned. "Day 10?"

"Sir, I can summarize our last days, we ate, slept, worked... that's it"

"Details Jack Details"

He looked down "We went for a hot air balloon ride"

George stared at him. "What?"

* * *

Well, hoped you liked it... 

Next chapter should cover day 10 and most of 11 so beware... it SHOULD be pretty long.

Sorry about the slow updates and PLEASE review!


	13. Hockey, Balloons and Dad

_BookWorm: Your wish is my command.  
StargateFan: Umm... want some chocolate? I wasn't laughing AT you, but WITH you! Seriously... really...  
Aligewe: Umm, goofiness I guess.  
Vampirehesling: Yes... One of them at least!_  
**  
Thank you:** tigerule05, Michael Shanks Girl, powerflowergirl, pirate98, papergirl222, Stargate-Rocks, SGCFan4ever, HopeGrace-MLH, stargate4jesus, Californian Girl, Girlzrule17, Jaggie-Fan, Starkid42, Hotchickdude, pink-panther32, BookWorm37, Aligewe, Bookw0rm, Soccer-Bitch, PeanutButter&Lollipops, Mackenise Jackson, Trinitystargazer3, Vampirehelsing, Lady Venya of the isle, Earllyn (thanks) StargateFan, deathstreet89, and primax **for reviewing! (If I missed you, Thanks) I got so many nice reviews, thank you!**

I hope you like this chapter!

**

* * *

**

**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

"Jack?" Hammond questioned. "Day 10?"

"Sir, I can summarize our last days, we ate, slept, worked... that's it"

"Details Jack Details"

He looked down "We went for a hot air balloon ride"

George stared at him. "What?"

**_And now the continuation..._**

**_

* * *

_**

"Yeah."

"You WHAT?" Davis asked incredulously.

"We went for a balloon ride"

"How?"

"The Asgard gave us one."

"What is God's name for?"

"I..."

_"Incoming Traveler!"_

"Dismissed!" Hammond called heading into the control room.

"Who is it?" he demanded.

"The Tok'ra sir"

"Open it!"

The iris opened and Jacob ran through. He dropped onto the ground and two staff blasts shot above his head and hit the concrete wall.

"Lock it up!"

The iris closed and several thuds were heard.

"Thanks George!" he called.

"Dad, are you ok?" Sam called hurrying into the gate room.

"Hey Sam" he said getting up slowly "I'm fine"

She eyed his clothing "Dad, you have blood all over you!"

"Just a scratch, Selmac will tend to it," he said distractedly. "George, why didn't you tell me my daughter was back?" he demanded.

"I left a message with the Tok'ra. They said you were on a very important mission and would return soon."

"Jack, Teal'c, glad to see you made it, no bones broken?"

"None whatsoever" Jack said cheerfully.

"How fortunate" he said dryly.

"Jacob Carter. I am glad to see you are well," Teal'c said with a slight bow.

"Yeah... Did I interrupt something?" he asked eyeing Davis curiously.

"They were just debriefing us on their last mission"

"Care to join us?" George asked.

Jack and Sam both stared at him, horror struck.

"Yeah, they're going to tell us about the hot air balloon" Daniel put in.

"HOT AIR BALLOON?"

"Indeed"

Sam whimpered. This was not good.

"All right, lead the way"

Once in the briefing room, Carter stood up "Permission to leave the room on personal business sir?"

Hammond eyed her suspiciously but knew he couldn't really refuse her. "Permission granted"

She almost dashed out of the room, Jack following her with a longing glance. "Sir, permission to..."

"Denied"

He got up and walked around the table (skirting Jacob) and sat next to Teal'c.

"What'd I miss?" Jacob asked curiously.

"Parent trap, a concussion, the Simpson's, jet skiing, bowling, skating, hailstones, Zip-a-dee-do-dah and diet soda and pictures"

"What?"

Daniel sighed, "That's what you missed"

"All I heard was diet soda and pictures"

"General Carter, I have my notes for this particular briefing if you'd like to see them..." Paul Davis offered a bit reluctantly.

"I would indeed"

He handed him a thick sheaf of papers.

"FOR ONE BRIEFING?"

"Yes sir"

Walter hurried in "Sir, the President would like you to call him at 0900 hours tomorrow and Major Carter is lingering outside the door, do you want me to-"

"Send her in"

Carter entered with a red face. "Walter's a fink," she whispered to Janet "Biggest needles"

"You kidding? I'm using the smallest I can," she whispered back.

Carter frowned and hurried to her seat. "Sorry sir"

"That's all right. Colonel?"

"General?"

"Continue"

"Me?" Jack squeaked, "I uhh think Teal'c would do this better then I would sir, I-"

"Very well. As we awakened, we decided that perhaps we should explore a little more. Major Carter had spotted some boxes near the Stargate so approximately about ten o'clock your time, we went adventuring as O'Neill said…"

------ -----

_Carter looked at herself in the mirror with a sigh. Her clothes looked like something Cassie would have picked! Tight jeans, she couldn't find a warm top so she wore a thick sweatshirt with the words "O'Neill" and "Hot chick" and "Warm me up" embroidered all over it. Maybe Cassie had planned this… _

_"Carter, you ready?" _

_"Yeah!" she yelled grabbing her knapsack. Water, protein bars, a chocolate bar, a flashlight and a book in case they got stuck somewhere. Hey, a girl needs entertainment… and NOT the kind Teal'c was hoping for! _

_She hurried out and promptly froze. "What happened?" she demanded. _

_"Roof leak" _

_Melted water had leaked through then promptly refroze, making the halls very slippery. Carter inched her way across the icy hall and into the relative safety of the living room. "Ready to go?" _

_"Yeah, T!" _

_Teal'c appeared dressed in sweats "These are the only remaining clothing that fit me that are warm enough" _

_"They're… great T!" _

_They were bright, bright red. _

_Teal'c, not a self-conscious man, calmly pulled the matching bright, bright red beanie over his head. "I am ready" _

_"Carter" Jack called as she headed for the door "You need a hat!" _

_"I left mine on the Beliskinor sir" _

_Jack hurried out of the room. He came sliding back in (the ice you know) "Here" _

_It was his SG hat. _

_"Sir, this is yours, I can't wear-" _

_"Yeesh Carter, it's not like you can have it or anything" _

_She smiled "Thank you sir" _

_"Anytime" _

_As they began the long hike to the 'gate, Jack began humming the familiar tune "Jingle Bells" _

_"Sir…" _

_"What?" _

_"It's June sir" _

_"So?" _

_She shrugged._

_"Oh what fun it is to ride in a one..."_

_By the time they reached the gate, Jack was on the third rendition of Silver Bells.Teal'c and Sam lost no time in opening the first box._

_"No way" Carter mumbled as the crate crashed down. "That's..."_

_-------_

"As you are aware of, it was a balloon that can carry humans. We promptly sat it up and tried to get it to work. We succeeded."

"I see" Jacob said "And why did you do that?"

"What else were we to do?"

"Good point"

"We flew for about an hour around the hut but then our basket began to crumble..."

----------

_"Jack!"_

_The man called looked over only to see one very big problem. The bottom of the basket was breaking, fast._

_"Teal'c, take her down!"_

_Teal'c tried to but didn't succeed. With a scream, Carter disappeared followed by her two teammates._

_-------------_

"Fortunately for us, we landed in a snow bank"

-----------

_"Owe!"_

_Jack landed three feet away from her. "I always wanted to make a snow angel"_

_"What is a snow angel O'Neill?"_

_Carter gaped at them. They almost died and they were joking about snow angels? Typical guys._

_"You ok Carter?"_

_She rolled over "Peachy" she muttered sarcastically._

_Jack commenced digging in the snow frantically "I don't believe it" he whispered reverently._

_"What?" she wheezed._

_"HOCKEY STICKS!"_

_-----------_

"O'Neill forced me to play hockey with him."

"Oh?" Jacob asked curiously. "Did you like it?"

"No"

--------

_"And O'Neill swoops past the large Jaffa and he SCORES!" _

_Teal'c looked sulky as Jack flew past him. He wasn't use to skating and he would have never agreed to but O'Neill had threatened to destroy the Star Wars trilogy. _

_"14-2" Carter yelled looking up from her coffee. She was still moaning the loss of her book. She sighed, "Let's go now Jack!" she yelled. _

_"Why?" _

_"You said at seven" _

_Teal'c hurried to the side and pulled off his skates and stuck his shoes on. Jack followed suit more reluctantly. _

_They returned home. Jack produced half charred hamburgers, they ate and then retired, Teal'c and Sam as quickly as possible as Jack was hinting about some more hockey… _

_----------- _

"We retired after we had consumed O'Neill's charred meat"

"It was perfect!"

"Indeed. For you perhaps!"

Jack scowled at him.

Jacob had been reading the notes when he paused.

_"Suspects that SG-1 has pictures to prove this" _

he read aloud.

They froze.

"George?"

"SG-1, did you take pictures?"

Jack squirmed.

"Colonel O'Neill?"

Jack tossed two pictures across the table. Hammond examined them closely.

"Colonel, I thought you said it was snowing"

"It was sir"

He held p the picture for everyone to see. It had been taken by Jack and showed Carter in a bikini and Teal'c in swim trucks.

"Jack!" Jacob hissed.

George held up the second picture then burst into loud laughter.

* * *

Well... hope you liked it... didn't have time to do day 11...

primax: Jacob for you!

Again, hope you liked it and please review!


	14. A bit of Oz and Halloween

**Thank you:** tigerule05, Michael Shanks Girl, powerflowergirl, pirate98, papergirl222, Stargate-Rocks, SGCFan4ever, divcon, stargate4jesus, Californian Girl, Girlzrule17, Jaggie-Fan, Starkid42, Hotchickdude, pink-panther32, BookWorm37, Aligewe, jen8f9, Bookw0rm, Soccer-Bitch, Amanders, stargate-princess, Earllyn, Mackenise Jackson, Space-Alien, StargateFan, deathstreet89, and primax (welcome!) **for reviewing! (If I missed you, I'm SO sorry and thanks) **

**Hope you like this chapter!**

**

* * *

**

**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

"SG-1, did you take pictures?"

Jack squirmed.

"Colonel O'Neill?"

Jack tossed two pictures across the table. Hammond examined them closely.

"Colonel, I thought you said it was snowing"

"**It was** sir"

He held up the picture for everyone to see. It had been taken by Jack and showed Carter in a bikini and Teal'c in swim trucks.

"Jack!" Jacob hissed.

George held up the second picture then burst into loud laughter.

**_Now... the continuation! _**

**_

* * *

_**

"Colonel, is that-" Carter began when she saw Jack's huge grin. "SIR!"

George couldn't stop laughing. This was too rich...

Jacob hurried over and snatched the picture out of his hand. His face contorted with laughter.

"What?" Davis, Janet, and Daniel demanded.

Jacob handed the photo the Davis.

"Oh my... can I get a copy!"

"SIR!" came Carter's agonized wail.

Daniel looked at it before passing it to Janet. Folding his hands while trying to not to smile, he studied Sam "Did YOU have a concussion Sam?"

"We- we umm-"

Janet didn't bother conceal her mirth. "HALLOWEEN?"

Carter muttered something about 'Colonel's'

"And Dorothy, Sam, I never pictured you..."

She buried her face in her arms.

"Teal'c, The Cowardly Lion?"

"O'Neill told me his name was The Brave Lion"

Janet giggled.

Teal'c reached into his pocket "I was afraid O'Neill would have to at some point give up the pictures I knew he carried in his pocket. I came prepared.

Jack paled dramatically.

"May I see it?" Hammond asked.

"Very well"

Jack reached for the picture futilely.

"Tin Man?"

"I'm going to kill Thor" Jack muttered.

"So how did this happen?" Jacob asked curiously.

Two groans came from the 'Earthlings'. Teal'c remained unmoved.

"General Hammond, I will inform you of these past events"

"All right, go ahead Teal'c"

"Very well"

----------

_Day 11 began normally. They got up around seven, they finished off the cold cereal as the milk was going bad and then went to check in. All in itself a almost normal day..._

_As Jack and Sam hurried back, they met a peculiar figure._

_"O'Neill, I have come to ask you what purpose this serves"_

_Jack cleared his throat loudly "That's a costume Teal'c"_

_"I meant the figure"_

_"It's a lion"_

_"It came in an emerald green box. There are three more costumes. Will you not try one on?"_

_"I think I'll-"_

_"It is my wish O'Neill"_

_Jack squirmed. He had a feeling one way or another; he would end wearing it. Better he putting it on then Teal'c. Carter had come to the same conclusion._

_"Anything for a buddy"_

_As they entered the small room Sam gasped. _

_The room literally had bags and bags of candy. Props and various things propped against the wall gave Sam a crazy idea._

_"Sir..."_

_"Carter, I doubt"_

_"Maybe!"_

_"What is it you wish for Major Carter?"_

_"Ok, I have an idea..."_

_--------_

"We invited several groups of children from various planets to come and participate in the festivities.

"WHAT?"

Teal'c removed three more pictures from his pocket. One showed a huge clearing filled with bounce house, game booths, a mini pool, and various other things...

"Wow" George said involuntarily.

The second one had 'Dorothy' surrounded by three little girls all sliding down the huge inflatable slide.

The third had Jack holding up a little boy so he could make a hoop in the basket. The look on his face was pure joy.

George's face softened. He knew Jack missed his son fiercely and that to help fill the ache, he volunteered at Charlie's old school whenever he could but... he looked at the pictures again. "Continue"

---------

_The team worked hard to set it up. By two they had finished. "A quick bite to eat and off we go" _

_Sam made lunch and they ate quickly. Gathering their stuff, they first dialed home (no answer) then dialed the first planet..._

_By five o'clock, they had about fifty-five children ranging from four to fourteen, a half a dozen mothers had come along to watch over the children and two fathers came along to make sure it was safe._

_Carter had returned home after the second planet to make food. Sandwiches, she baked the two last pies, she dug out the last two gallons of chocolate ice cream (ok, so she hid one of them) and pulled out the brightly colored sprinkles. The last pizza was slowly cooking and now they were just waiting for the..._

_The door opened and a sea of children swarmed in. Carter's eyes widened. They had only managed to get twenty-five children from the other two planets. How had the Colonel gotten the other race to agree to send so many children? She looked carefully at the newcomers and saw they were Abydonian. No wonder they had all come, they adored him! _

_"Carter! You have enough food?" _

_"I think so sir" _

_"Well, I'll help you get it out there" he yelled some directions to one of the women who nodded understanding. _

_He hurried over "What can I do?" _

_"Cut the pizza in slices" _

_They worked quietly and efficiently. The kids ate with gusto. Three towering plates of sandwiches and a huge pizza later, they begged for dessert. _

_Carter and Jack dished out the ice cream and cut out pie for what seemed like hours._

_"This is the hundredth scoop of ice cream I've given out," Jack complained._

_She couldn't help it, she giggled._

_"You laughing at me Carter?"_

_"No sir" she whispered still giggling._

_"You are!"_

_"No sir!"_

_He grabbed her by the shoulders "You shan't any more" and without thinking he kissed her._

_She was surprised and pulled away quickly._

_"Oh god Carter, I'm so sorry" he automatically apologized._

_"Why?" she whispered wetting her lips._

_"I..."_

_She pulled him closer..._

_- - -_

_Teal'c glanced over at the 'cafeteria' and nearly gasped. His teammates were locked together. _

_"Children, please go outside. The games will begin"_

_The children instantly obliged, chattering to each other._

_Teal'c hated to know but he knew he had too. He dropped a glass then left._

_- - -_

_Jack and Sam pulled away instantly. They watched the retreating form then turned to face each other. _

_"Sam..."_

_"Jack, sir, that is... well, we should go help..."_

_"Sam..." he whispered again longingly._

_"Sir, you know we can't," she said trying not to show how much pain this was causing her._

_He brushed her cheek then nodded._

_She gave him a shaky smile and they hurried out._

_- - - - - - - - - _

"We had a festival for the children and they much enjoyed it. We took the holiday 'Halloween' and set up various booths so the children could play games and earn sugar confections."

"Candy sir." Jack translated.

Hammond nodded. It was like SG-1, They were all extremely found of children. "After the children left?" he asked.

"Well..."

_- - - - - - - - -_

_Jack knocked down the last stand and sighed. "That was fun"_

_Carter sighed, "A blast. Next time, Let's stick withtwenty kids."_

_"I agree." Teal'c said stretching._

_Jack lifted the stand up. "Ay yi yi yi" he muttered, "This is heavy"_

_Carter automatically went over to help him. The two got it inside then sighed._

_"I'm hot"_

_"The shower is not in working condition," Teal'c announced._

_"Gosh darn it" Jack muttered._

_Carter had disappeared and appeared in a very interesting swimsuit. It was a bright, bright blue bikini. Bright Blue. Did I mention BRIGHT blue..?_

_"Wow"_

_She blushed "My other suit is ruined. This is all I have sir"_

_"No, no, no, it's nice," he said quickly. He froze "Did I just say that aloud?"_

_"Indeed" Teal'c said with a raised eyebrow._

_Carter blushed "Hurry up you two. We can take a dive then head in" _

_They were already inside. _

_- - - - - - - _

"We swam around a bit then hit the sack sir"

Hammond nodded accepting this, for now. He knew Teal'c would fill him later if he needed to know anything else.

"We'll will take another recess," he said in a tone everyone recognized as final.

Major Davis, inwardly grumbling (after all, this was fascinating to listen to!), got up and headed straight for the phone. Jacob and Sam left and headed towards her lab. Daniel and Janet moseyed off towards the commissary while Jack, after giving Teal'c a questioning glance, headed off towards the unknown. The General alone remained.

"Teal'c?"

"I do not know if I should show you this but it might perhaps explain some of the events happening"

Hammond accepted the envelope Teal'c handed him. With a slight bow, the Jaffa left. He opened it.

It contained two photos; One showing 'Dorothy' Sam and 'Tin' Jack laughing over something the Jaffa must have said. The other showed the two tugging on opposite ends of something. The look on their faces made a tear appear in his eye. He knew the regs existed for a reason but sometimes…

"George, you ok?"

He looked up and saw Jacob in the doorway. He stuffed the photos in his pocket "Fine, how is the Tok'ra thing going?"

"Can I see the photos?"

George hesitated then nodded.

Jacob pursued them carefully. He sighed, "He loves her doesn't he?"

"I think so"

He sighed again "George, what's going to happen?"

"I don't know"

Jacob looked downcast then brightened up "How many days were they on the planet?"

"12 or so"

"Then we have a full days worth of briefing!"

"That we do... that we do..."

The two General's rubbed their hands evilly and sat to wait for the return of SG-1 and assorted personnel to the torture- err Briefing Room...

* * *

The next one (yeah right) should be longer... so, day 11 done, day 12, going home... 

All right, hoped you liked it, it was slightly different from the rest of my chapter so... anyways,

PLEASE review!


	15. Thor and cuddling

**primax: I never went 'trick or treating' before either. I did dress up once for a Halloween dance party- as a Hungarian girl. Very 'citin' ehh? I don't know why I'm telling you this...**

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* * *

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**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

Jacob pursued them carefully. He sighed, "He loves her doesn't he?"

"I think so"

He sighed again "George, what's going to happen?"

"I don't know"

Jacob looked downcast then brightened up "How many days were they on the planet?"

"12 or so"

"Then we have a full days worth of briefing!"

"That we do... that we do..."

The two General's rubbed their hands evilly and sat to wait for the return of SG-1 and assorted personnel to the torture- err Briefing Room...

**_Now... the continuation! _**

**_

* * *

_**

Jack slid into the Briefing room aware he was late. He had stayed later in the commissary, sampling all the pies. He had missed pie. Pie was good...

"Colonel O'Neill. So glad you could join us"

Carter gave him a small smile as he blushed. "Sorry General, I was... unavoidably detained."

"I see. Take a seat."

Jack quickly sat down next to Carter and tried to look nonchalant.

"What'd I miss?"

"We were just waiting for you to finish your last day on P4X-234"

"The last FULL day" Jack corrected. "We left on the 13th day 'round lunch I think..." he looked over at Carter who nodded.

"Very well. Begin"

Jack fidgeted "Uhh, sir to be honest, I don't remember much"

"I beg your pardon?"

"The Colonel was unusually tired the next day," Carter said refusing to look at anyone.

Teal'c schooled his features. Indeed he had not...

"All right Major, you begin"

"I..." she stopped "Well..."

"Sam?" Jacob questioned.

"I don't..."

"You don't remember either." Hammond finished.

"Yes sir"

"What the heck did you guys do?" Jacob demanded.

"You didn't!" Janet and Daniel cried simultaneously.

"Didn't what?" they shot back. (Jack and Sam)

"Have..."

"NO!"

Everyone surveyed them suspiciously.

"Sir, we just were... tired." Carter said earnestly.

Jacob shrugged.

"All right Teal'c. You go"

"Very well. I awoke at half past five. I went for a brief walk and hurried back. As we had only cleaned up one of our rooms after the party, we had all shared it."

"It?" Daniel asked only half paying attention to him as Janet was whispering in his ear again.

"The room. We all shared it"

"Right..."

"On my return, Thor paid us a visit..."

------

_Teal'c walked silently into 'his' bedroom and began dressing. After today, the only clothes he had remaining would be the uniform that Stargate Command provided them with. The majority of his clothes had been ruined by various circumstances. He could run around in his swimming trucks he supposed but that would not be benefiting to a Jaffa. _

_As he heard a soft noise, he turned to see Major Carter roll off her bed; right next to O'Neill's. Jack automatically opened his arms and she rolled into them. Both sound asleep. _

_He permitted himself a small smile and then... _

_With the peculiar sound and the bright light, a skinny Asgard appeared. _

_"Greetings Teal'c" _

_"Thor!" _

_The alien turned slowly to see Carter and Jack pushing each other away and standing up. Carter was only wearing her t-shirt and panties so she was tying a blanket around her, sarong style. _

_"O'Neill. Major Carter. I have come to tell you that you may return home tomorrow" _

_"Really?" they asked. _

_"Yes." _

_To Thor's surprise, a flicker of disappointment rushed across their faces then disappeared. _

_"Oh. Thanks" Carter said flatly. _

_"Yeah. Kind of you to drop by." Jack added. _

_Teal'c gave Thor a questioning glance. "I thought it was not going to happen for two more days," he said in a low voice. _

_"We could not keep beaming things away; they were getting suspicious." Thor said apologetically. _

_"Very well. You have done them a great favor Thor and I thank you." _

_Thor turned to look at the two humans who were bickering over what looked to be a pillow. "I am glad to hear it" _

_Teal'c watched the alien go with a slight sigh. They must return tomorrow, he had to get O'Neill to act. Soon. _

_---------- _

"Teal'c"

He looked over at the questioner, his eyebrows raised.

"What'd he want?" Paul Davis prompted.

"He merely wished to tell us that we could return home the following day."

"How did he know?" George asked curiously.

Jacob, watching Teal'c closely, noticed his squirm slightly. "I am not sure." Teal'c said finally.

Jacob snorted.

Sam looked up at her father's undignified report. "Dad, Teal'c is telling the truth, how would he know?" she said genuinely curious.

Jacob shrugged and continued to study the Jaffa.

"After his visit. I noted the time was nearly eight o'clock. I prepared myself a meal and then sat down to watch television."

"I see."

"Dad! Stop saying that!"

Jack chuckled. "Oh come on, you're still not mad about THAT are you Carter?"

She glared at him and rubbed her nails. "Of course not sir. Why would I care that I was A. Bothered out of my life for seven hours by my two best friends and B. Forced to endure a makeover and C. -"

"Hey, hey, hey" Jack protested, "You did makeovers on us!"

"I DIDN'T TIE YOU UP!"

"Cease your arguing immediately before you are court marshaled." Teal'c advised in a low tone.

The two looked up startled. They had obviously forgotten that other people in the room; not that it really mattered…

"Explain what just happened Teal'c."

"Well, I turned off the television set and began my kel'no'reeming, O'Neill forced me out of it to consider his evil plot.

"And that was?"

Teal'c looked at him as if it was extremely obvious. "The makeover"

------------

_Carter vaguely registered the fact that Jack had slipped away. With a slight moan, she fell back asleep. _

-

_"Teal'c?" _

_"O'Neill. I am busy" _

_"Come on… It'll be fun." _

_"You wish me to die before I can set my affairs in order? I thought you liked me O'Neill!" _

_"I do, but this'd be SO fun!" _

_Teal'c secretly thought he'd prefer to face Apophis himself. He knew women better then O'Neill appeared too. They didn't forget easily. _

_"Come on T. We're LEAVING tomorrow." _

_"I am aware." _

_Jack sighed, "Come on. One last laugh." _

_Teal'c barely nodded. "Very well" _

_- _

_Carter found her arms seized. She didn't have time to scream when she smelled a familiar, suspicious smell. _

_"NAIL POLISH?" she yipped. _

_"Yep!" Jack said cheerily. "We're giving you a makeover!" _

_She stopped struggling. "What?" _

_He laughed evilly as he showed her the lipstick, makeup, clothes and... camera. _

_"SIR!" _

_------------_

Sam was glaring at Jack as she waved her nails at him. Daniel for the first time noticed them.

"Sparkly pink?"

Sam drew her hand back but not before her dad captured her left hand.

"Red, white and blue?" he asked curiously.

"I also added the Earth symbol." Teal'c said with a smile.

Carter ignored both of them and tugged her hand away from her father. She darted a quick look over at Teal'c who she KNEW had pictures. She strongly suspected her CO had some too... her suspicions were confirmed when he patted his pocket smugly.

She frowned but remained silent knowing she could have her revenge. Later.

-------

_"Go try these on"_

_Carter eyed the clothes Jack offered. "Sir, no!" _

_"Come on…" _

_She snatched the clothes and stormed into the bathroom. Minutes later, she immerged. _

_"Better… sir?" _

_Jack stifled a laugh. _

_Carter was wearing a blue dress and sparkly glitter sandals. On her head was perched a tiara. _

_"Sir, this is ridiculous" _

_"Carter, you look great" Jack said sincerely. _

_"This reminds me way too much of that awful dress I had to wear on Simarka." She complained. _

_Jack and Teal'c whipped out their camera and snapped a shot. Carter grinned. "Colonel's turn!" _

_Before Jack knew what hit him, he was in the chair being made over. _

_-- -- _

"May I see the pictures?" Hammond asked holding out his hand.

"Pictures?" they all asked.

"I assume you took some"

"Yes, but-" at the look they got, they immediately handed over their pictures. The two General's leaned over and began to laugh.

The two humans scowled while Teal'c remained his impassive self.

"What happened after the makeovers?" Daniel asked after the General's were done laughing over the pictures.

"We ate"

-- --

_Sam slowly chewed her waffle. _

_"Come on Carter, you're not still MAD at me are you?" _

_She shook her head. _

_"What is it then?" _

_"I don't want to go," she admitted softly. "I don't" _

_"Oh come on, surely you miss your lab…" _

_"No sir, I really don't" _

_"That's gotta be a first" _

_Carter looked around her. They were sitting on the porch having brunch. "I guess" she shrugged "You?" _

_"I miss beer. Can't find any of those boxes we had" _

_"I hid one" Carter muttered looking over at the stairs. Teal'c had cleaned them off. _

_"So what are we doing with all the extra stuff?" Jack asked curiously. _

_"We're sending all the food supplies we don't need to 977-1E5." _

_"That primitive cultures whose crops were burned?" _

_"Yes sir" _

_"Sweet" _

_Silence… _

_"When we going?" _

_She looked up "As soon as it's ready"_

_He groaned, "Might as well get packing" _

_She nodded and shoved the rest of her waffle in her mouth. _

_2 hours later, _

_SG-1 returned through the gate feeling pretty happy. The inhabitants had been thrilled with the food and after making a long acceptation speech; they invited them to a little get together. They had stayed for a while then Jack's knees began acting up. With that, they returned home and began cleaning the house. _

_-- -- _

"We sent the leftover food and clothes over to that burned out planet. They seemed pretty grateful."

"Good idea Jack" Hammond said approvingly.

"It was Carter's sir."

Hammond nodded. "Good work Major"

She blushed. "Thank you sir"

"Then what?" Davis asked.

"We cleaned the house. All the stuff we weren't going to use we took to the Stargate and sent it to our various allies."

_--- ---_

_"Carter!" _

_She looked up "Sir, we don't need the television." _

_"Who else is going to use it?" He demanded. "Leave it here, maybe Hammond will want to use this place as a off world observatory or something." _

_Carter nodded. "It looks so empty" she muttered. _

_It did. The kitchen only contained half a dozen plates and the same about of bowls, cups and silverware, the little stove with its six pans and the mini refrigerator/freezer. The bedrooms each only had a mattress and a chair. The living room had the most with two couches, an armchair and the TV with the videos in a box next to it. The only remaining furniture were the tables and chairs scattered throughout the house. _

_Jack nodded. "I can't believe how much stuff we had. It must have hours to move all those boxes down there." _

_Carter peeked into the huge box of food left for them to eat. "What do you all want for dinner?" she called. _

_Teal'c, who had just returned from lugging the last of the boxes to the Stargate, shook his head. "I do not care Major Carter" _

_"I'm not hungry" Jack said. _

_"Neither am I"_

_Carter dropped the lid down. "Me three"_

_"What is the matter Major Carter?"_

_"I'm going to miss this place," she said without looking at him. _

_"As am I. It has been a most enjoyable week"_

_"Yeah" she replied looking over at the lake._

_Jack studied her. Her hair was ruffled from where she had run her hands through her hair, her slacks dusty and her black t-shirt as well. She looked peaceful- for Carter. She was looking at the lake rather wistfully._

_"Hey... does anyone want to go get skiing one more time?" he asked._

_"We only have two skis," she reminded him. _

_"I do not wish to go." Teal'c said looking at the sunset. "You should hurry. It is getting dark."_

_"It's only 5:00 T"_

_"I am aware O'Neill"_

_He shrugged "Carter?"_

_She hesitated then nodded. "I'd love too sir"_

_Teal'c handed them both sweatshirts. "It will be chilly O'Neill"_

_They pulled them over their heads then dashed off with quick good byes. Teal'c watched them go then hurried over to the box of food._

_--------_

"We went jet skiing, came home and ate, played a few games, and then hit the sack"

The two General's sighed. "Jack..." George said "You KNOW I don't accept that"

Davis stole his notes back and added then to the dozen sheets he had already had compiled. Jacob frowned at him.

"More descriptive?"

"Yes Jack"

"Well..."

------

_The two were half way across the lake before they stopped and simultaneously laughed. _

_It was just so nice! The weather perfect, the sunset beautiful… _

_"It's lovely isn't it?" Jack said quietly looking at it. _

_She nodded. _

_- _

_Teal'c opened the freezer and with a furtive glance around, pulled out the last tub of chocolate ice cream and slowly began eating it. _

_- _

_After thirty minutes of talking, the two headed back, laughing and talking. _

_-_

_Teal'c heard the skis pull up and quickly stuffed the ice cream back into freezer. He then hurried into his bedroom and began pursuing the first (ok, the ONLY) book he saw._

_-----------_

"Carter... flipped out when we got home."

"Why?" Jacob demanded.

"Teal'c ate most of her ice cream"

"Oh ho" Jacob laughed.

Teal'c gave Jacob an annoyed glance.

"She chased him around the house yelling something in some weird language"

"Goa'uld" Carter muttered. "I can remember a few words from Jolinar."

Jacob was doubled over.

"He finally got on his knees and BEGGED her to forgive him."

Daniel snickered.

Jack continued "She forgave him- after he promised torestock her refrigerator"

Sam moaned. Justwhat she wanted the General to hear. Boy, if she was still Majorafter this-

She suddenly grinned. This would knock her CO down a notch.

---------

_"No, I can't tell you the rules sir"_

_Teal'c had quickly caught on but Jack, much to his frustration, still hadn't._

_She handed him a card and said "Queen of Spades"_

_"So, on Queens, you say the suit and rank?"_

_She handed him a card._

_"What?"_

_She handed him another card._

_Teal'c requested a timeout then explained. "You may not talk O'Neill"_

_"Oh."_

_-------------_

"Well, I wasn't the one who threw a tantrum because I didn't understand a game" she shot back.

"Hey!" Jack protested. "That game is evil!"

"Didn't you break a mug... sir?"

"Carter..." he began warningly.

She laughed.

"Can you guys just go to bed and begin with Day 13?" Daniel asked impatiently.

Jack and Sam exchanged glances.

--------

_Teal'c picked up the cards while Jack cleaned up his mug mess. Carter reclined on the couch, half asleep. Jack eyed her thoughtfully then hurried into the kitchen. A second later, he immerged with something clenched in his hand. He tip toed over to Carter and with a swift move, dropped it down her back then ran with an angry female after him. Teal'c merely smiled and went to make sure the gate had not been set up early._

_When he returned an hour later, he found a cozy Sam and Jack curled up in the couch. Her head buried in his lap and his fingers entwined in her hair. Both were sound asleep. He gently tucked a blanket around their damp forms and then went to his kel'no'reeming._

_-------_

The two officers recalled their thoughts. "Of course" Jack said obligingly "Day 13…"

"WAIT!" Janet cried. "Didn't you have THE water figh-"?

"J A N E T!" Carter wailed.

"Do tell…" Daniel said with a smirk, "I'd like to know more"

"I think I'll just go to day-"

"I think not" Hammond said, "Water fight?"

Carter sighed. "We tossed water at each other, that's it."

George knew he wouldn't get much more out of her. He'd pump Janet for more information later.

"All right, last day…" Jack began.

* * *

Hmm... did you like it?

Only one (half) day left...

So, like it or not, PLEASE review!


	16. Leaving the island err Planet

primax: OT: I attend a dance class and every year we have a Christmas party with a various countries theme. One year it was Hungarian... My mom made it, she's a seamstress... it LOOKED realistic!

BookWorm37: Of course (-:

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**Thank you:** tigerule05, Michael Shanks Girl, powerflowergirl, pirate98, papergirl222, Stargate-Rocks, SGCFan4ever, stargate4jesus, Californian Girl, Girlzrule17, Jaggie-Fan, Starkid42, Hotchickdude, pink-panther32, BookWorm37. Aligewe, jen8f9, Bookw0rm, Trinitystargazer3, Soccer-Bitch, divcon, Vampirehelsing, Darth Tater, Earllyn, StargateFan, JackSam, deathstreet89, primax, Sara Loughlin and Sci Fi Fan Gillian **for reviewing! (If I missed you, thanks!) **

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* * *

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**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

The two officers recalled their thoughts. "Of course" Jack said obligingly "Day 13…"

"WAIT!" Janet cried. "Didn't you have THE water figh-"?

"J A N E T!" Carter wailed.

"Do tell…" Daniel said with a smirk, "I'd like to know more"

"I think I'll just go to day-"

"I think not" Hammond said, "Water fight?"

Carter sighed. "We tossed water at each other, that's it."

George knew he wouldn't get much more out of her. He'd pump Janet for more information later.

"All right, last day…" Jack began.

**_Now... the continuation! _**

**_

* * *

_**

_Carter woke up at 3:00 and wouldn't go back to sleep. After a solid hour of lying there and staring at the ceiling, she finally rolled out of bed. After dressing in her BDU's, she headed into the kitchen to make herself some coffee. Jack had already beaten her there._

_"Carter?" he asked looking up from his mug "Did I wake you?"_

_She shook her head and fiddled with her dog tags. "No"_

_"Want a cup of coffee?" he asked rising and pouring a mugful._

_She accepted it. "Thank you" she whispered._

_Jack registered in the back of his head that she hadn't called him sir. Cheers!_

_"That's what friends are for," he said with a smile "To fetch one coffee" _

_Carter looked at her coffee unseeingly "Friends" she mumbled. _

_Jack felt the tension rise. The atmosphere had changed. "I-" _

_"What if I quit the Air Force? Would that change anything or is it just an excuse?" _

_Jack paused. "I would never ask you to give up your career," he said finally. _

_She gave a bitter chuckle "Because you don't feel anything for me?" she half asked, half stated. _

_"Carter." he said almost pleadingly. _

_"I'd let you go right now if I knew." she whispered. _

_Jack felt a bit hurt. "That easy?" he demanded. _

_She looked up. She looked tired "I didn't say it would be easy." she whispered. _

_"Carter, I do care for you. A lot more then I'm suppose to" _

_She looked at him with tears in her eyes. _

_"But Earth needs us. Both of us" _

_She nodded miserably. "I know" _

_"But someday... someday Carter, our day will come." _

_She nodded. "All packed up?" she asked, _

_He shrugged "Yeah, I guess" _

_Carter sniffed herself discreetly. "Too bad the shower doesn't work" _

_He smiled. "Yes it is"_

_Teal'c stumbled out of his room, fully dressed. He headed straight for the coffee pot and poured a huge, steaming mug for himself. Gulping it down he sighed with pleasure._

_"Thirsty big guy?"_

_"Indeed."_

_"So what do we do today?" Carter asked quietly._

_"Finish sending the supplies to other worlds, pack our belongings and then enjoy ourselves."_

_"Sounds like a plan to me" Jack said rubbing his hands._

_Sam nodded. "Ok"_

_They quickly packed and dragged their belongings to the gate. They tried Earth, it didn't activate. They finished sending the remaining supplies to their allies then sighed._

_"I'm thinking we should come back around noon or so." Jack said stretching._

_"Jack, that's not for another... six hours"_

_"Indeed."_

_"So?" Jack asked._

_"Six hours. What do we do?"_

_"Are you… BORED Carter?"_

_She laughed and nodded "I guess I am" she admitted._

_"So let's DO something!"_

_"Like what?" she challenged._

_"Well..."_

_------_

Jack and Teal'c exchanged glances and began tapping a rhythm on the table. Carter stiffened but didn't say anything. The rhythm increased in loudness. Everyone watched with fascination as Carter visibly tried to ignore them: First flipping through a folder then studying her nails all the while her fingers were slowly closing into fists.

"Dum, dum, dum dum" Jack and Teal'c hummed.

Jacob watched as his daughter with one swift move rose and snatching the cup of coffee out of the unsuspecting archeologists hand proceeded to fling it at the two men.

"HEY!" Jack sputtered pushing away "That's hot"

She smoothed her BDU's and sat down.

"What was that about?" Daniel demanded.

She smiled sweetly "Nothing" she said faking a yawn. "Shall I continue sir?"

"Yes..." Hammond said slowly staring at her. "Major, are you all-"

"Do you know sir, that Carter HATES the song..." Jack began.

Everyone leaned closer.

"Mary had a little lamb?"

-----

_"Sir, so what's this great idea of yours?" Carter asked._

_To her surprise, she found her self flung over a shoulder and the person took off full blast._

_"Sir?"_

_Jack chuckled. A sinister sound. "You were bored," he reminded her._

_As they neared the water, she guessed his plan, "No, sir, please, NO!"_

_And with a huge splash, she landed in the water._

_-----_

"You do?" Jacob asked surprised.

"You try listening to two people who can't sing, sing it for an hour" she said between clenched teeth.

"Oh, she thought it was great, she just didn't like the ducking we gave her"

"You ducked Sam?" Daniel asked. "In that lake?"

"Yes Daniel" Carter spat out "The water was freezing since that's where all the snow ended up!"

Jack and Teal'c both looked suitably ashamed. "We dried you off!" Jack defended them "Didn't we Teal'c?"

"Indeed"

She glowered at them.

"Major Carter?" George Hammond asked uncertainly.

She looked at him a bit shame faced. "Sorry sir" she muttered.

"What the heck is going on Jack?" Jacob called.

Jack squirmed. Now it wasn't QUITE as funny as it was... say, twelve seconds earlier.

"Yes Jack, do tell" Daniel said crossing his arms.

"I dunked Carter, that's it"

"What's with the song then?" he demanded.

Carter erupted "They sang it for an hour Daniel! You know how bad it is when the Colonel **HUMS** 'We're off to see the Wizard of Oz'!"

Daniel grimaced. Jack couldn't… sing… it just wasn't… yeah…

Teal'c was nodding an agreement.

"Hey!" Jack protested. "My voice isn't that bad!"

People around the table made various noises.

Jack frowned and kicked the table leg, making Davis paper stack scatter. As he made a futile grab for it, Jacob laughed.

Paul scowled at him and restacked his papers. The stack was now about five inches tall.

"What exactly do you HAVE on us?" Jack asked.

Paul shoved the papers inside his briefcase. "Nothing"

"How'd they dry you off?" Janet asked curiously.

"No…" Sam moaned "Please General…"

----

_Carter stumbled out of the water. _

_"Oh god" Jack whispered seeing her blue lips. "Teal'c, help me warm her up" _

_"O'Neill, you must make her run" _

_"Huh?" _

_"RUN! She must run!" _

_"Uh.. Ok, Carter, run!" _

_She sank onto the ground, "I can't sir" _

_Jack looked helplessly at Teal'c who shook his head slightly. _

_"Major, I am ordering you to run!" _

_"I CAN'T SIR!" _

_"Now!" he snapped "That's an ORDER!" _

_She stumbled to her feet. _

_-- _

"We sang 'Mary had a little lamb' to keep her running." He paused "I think actually she was trying to run AWAY from us"

"Ya think?" she mumbled.

General Hammond privately thought that they all needed a trip to Dr. Mackenzie but as this was vastly entertaining he would propone that until AFTER this discussion was done.

Daniel looked immensely disgruntled. "This is getting boring. After all the slip'n'slides, jello, games, jet skiing, hot air ballooning… and now you're down to tossing Sam into a lake"

They all glared at him "We're not making this up as we go along!" Jack and Sam said simultaneously while Teal'c merely watched Daniel until he squirmed.

"Would hearing that Colonel O'Neill and Sam wrestling in the sand to get her warmed up satisfy you Daniel?"

"JANET!"

"What?"

Everyone turned to look at the figure. Jacob was staring at Jack.

"You… wrestled… with… MY daughter?"

Jack barely flinched. "Yes"

Jacob leaned back "Good. 'Bout time she had a social life."

"DAD!" Sam protested while George echoed with "Jacob!"

He leaned back and smiled smugly.

Davis phone rang. He saw the number and his eyes widened. "Excuse me"

Jack and Sam both sighed. The sooner this was over, the better. Teal'c leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. Daniel stared at his empty mug mournfully and Janet was giving Sam apologetic glances.

Sam smiled and thought back...

_She was so tired..._

_"Carter, move it"_

_She collapsed. "Can't"_

_He sighed, "Then this is the way it's going to have to be" and with that he jumped on her._

_"What the hell are you doing?"_

_He sat up. "Fight Sam! We're wrestling"_

_She thought absently as she pined him to the ground that this felt familiar. Boy, he wasn't fighting as hard as he had been when she had been 'touched'._

_"Sam? Yo, back to earth"_

_She started. "Sorry" _

_"No problem. You warm enough?"_

_She nodded. "Thanks sir"_

_He wanted to laugh. How many times did one's 2IC thank you for wrestling with them? "Anytime" he said sincerely. He LIKE wrestling with Carter... woo boy, back up a bit..._

_"O'Neill!"_

_"Yeah?" he yelled glad to be distracted._

_"We have a problem!"_

_----_

Davis hurried back in and sat down. "Sorry General."

"That's ok son"

Everyone was silent.

"Major Carter?" Hammond finally said, "Would you like to continue?"

She coughed. "Umm, well sir, we uh... participated in uh... wedding service"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Not for us sir!"

----

_The gate lit up. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7... KAWOOSH!_

_SG-1 grabbed their' projectile weapons' and surrounded the gate. Thee men came through dragging a silken cloth. As they watched with surprise, a young boy and girl immerged carrying lit candles and singing a merry tune. Dozens of people then poured through obviously dressed in their best. And then came a small group of people surrounding two figures both dressed in a hideous shade of brown cloth. The whole 'mood' was happy. _

_"What's going on?" Jack whispered._

_"I think a wedding sir!"_

_As she spoke, three children appeared out of nowhere and began tugging them into towards the bride and groom. They didn't seem put out by the fact these people were carrying weapons._

_"Welcome!" the bride said "Will you join us in happiness?"_

_"Excuse me?" Jack asked. "Happiness?" he asked warily._

_The little girl holding his hand spoke "My sister is to wed her love, Lucas! Will you stay?"_

_"Uhh... sure" Jack said after Sam and Teal'c gave him the 'ok' glance._

_"You must be dressed then!" and with that Sam was pulled one way and the men another way._

_-_

_"Teal'c, I'm not wearing a dress!"_

_"It is a robe O'Neill- not dress"_

_Jack sighed, "It LOOKS like one and I KNOW Carter has a camera in her pocket- I felt it."_

_Teal'c raised his eyebrow._

_"NOT what you were think buddy. I had to get her warm."_

_"It appears to be what I am thinking O'Neill. Merely pull the robe over your clothing."_

_-_

_Carter eyed the sleeveless brown gown dubiously. "I don't know Poi. This looks kind of..." she held it against her. It reached her ankles but there were two, very long slits in it._

_The girl looked at her and laughed. "Put it on Samantha. I shall make you look beautiful, have no fear"_

-

_Jack sighed, "Well, I'm ready, you?" _

_"Indeed" _

_They hurried out as drums started beating. With screams, girls dashed out from the forest. _

_"Where's Carter?" Jack demanded of the nearest man. _

_He shrugged and pointed at the women. _

_He searched the crowd of women carefully and spotted her. A half a dozen men talking with her surrounded her. She looked lost. _

_"Teal'c, stay here, I'm going to go rescue Carter" _

_Pushing his way through the crowd, he was soon at her side. "Hey!" _

_She looked up. "Hi sir" _

_He looked at her. That ugly fabric looked great on her! The dress was embroidered with colored flowers, mostly blue with set off her eyes. _

_"I know, I look like a freak, but Poi insisted-" _

_"Carter, you look fine! I'm the one wearing a dress!" _

_She laughed. "Wanna dance?" she asked mischievously. _

_"Sure" _

_She looked surprised. "Ok… Poi showed me how to do one…" _

_Teal'c watched as O'Neill clumsily copied the graceful moves of Major Carter. Both were laughing and having a good time. He checked his watched. 10:49… _

_---- _

"So, tell me about this wedding" Daniel said eagerly "What was it like?"

"Loud, Brown, Loud, Brown" he stopped "Did I get it all Carter?"

"Fun?" she suggested.

"That too"

"So what happened?"

"They had dancing till about 11:00 or so then they just all… vanished."

----

_"Good bye Samantha!" _

_Jack and Carter released each other instantly. "Where you going?" Carter asked. _

_"We are done. The spirits have blessed our marriage. Good bye O'Neill" _

_"Bye… Pie?" he tried. _

_She giggled "Poi" _

_"Right!" _

_Lucas drew near "Farewell. I am glad you have graced us with your presence!" _

_The gate activated and the people left, still dancing. _

_"Ok, it may have just been me buy that was the most bizarre wedding I have ever been to!" Jack said as soon as the gate shut down. _

_Carter nodded. "Where did they put my clothes?" she wondered. _

_Teal'c handed them to her. She thanked him and hurried off. _

_Jack pulled the robe off. "That was fun" _

_"Indeed" _

_They sat silently until Carter came back. _

_"I have an idea," she said slowly. _

_"What?" _

_She held out her hands. "I found these in my pockets…" _

_Apophis stronghold. _

_As the gate activated, the Jaffa stood ready. To their surprise, colored missiles came through. The leader watched as his whole squadron fell. He picked up one of them that had fell to his feet harmlessly. He pulled off the thin coating and examined the interior. He tasted it. It was… water. _

_"Excellent idea Carter" Jack said as the last water balloon sailed through. _

_She laughed. "I wonder if we hit anything?" _

_Teal'c shook his head. Major Carter had suggested throwing water balloons through the Stargate for fun. She said that they would freeze and become like rocks. _

_Jack looked at his watch and sighed. "12:00 campers" _

_Carter grabbed her bags. "I'm going to miss this place," she mumbled. _

_"Me too" Jack said as Teal'c nodded with agreement. _

_Carter hit the first chevron. Second. Third, forth, fifth, sixth, seventh, center and… _

_As the event horizon shot out, no one heard the sigh of disappointment come from one Samantha Carter. _

_"Let's go!" Jack called and the three team members stepped through. _

_---- _

"The End."

Everyone stared. "That's it?" Daniel asked. "Sam didn't dial… Edora or something?"

"That's it Daniel."

Paul stood up. "Thank you for letting me stay General. Major Carter, Colonel O'Neill, Teal'c, I'm glad you're safe. Daniel Jackson, I'm glad you are feeling better and farewell!"

With that, the Major hurried out of the room.

Daniel looked decidedly disgruntled. "I can't believe this. That was a sucky ending" he said siding up to Jack.

"Daniel!" Jack said exasperated "You're making it sound like we are making this up!"

"Didn't you?"

* * *

I hope the ending of their time on 94X-234 didn't disappoint you. Now just a few more chapter... 

Hey, don't protest so much! Oh, and I managed to sneak the Grace scene in...

Hope you liked it and...

Please review!


	17. NO! THIS WILL REMAIN TITLELESS! SO HA!

**Thank you:** tigerule05, Michael Shanks Girl, powerflowergirl, pirate98, papergirl222, Stargate-Rocks, SGCFan4ever, stargate4jesus, Californian Girl, Girlzrule17, Jaggie-Fan, Starkid42, Hotchickdude, pink-panther32,Space-Alien, deathstreet89, BookWorm37, lady rosebit, Soccer-Bitch, divcon, typokid, MrStople, JackSam,SciFi Fan Gillian, primax, Trinitystargazer3 and claire svu fan**for reviewing! (If I missed you, thanks!) **

**

* * *

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**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

"The End."

Everyone stared. "That's it?" Daniel asked. "Sam didn't dial… Edora or something?"

"That's it Daniel."

Paul stood up. "Thank you for letting me stay General. Major Carter, Colonel O'Neill, Teal'c, I'm glad you're safe. Daniel Jackson, I'm glad you are feeling better and farewell!"

With that, the Major hurried out of the room.

Daniel looked decidedly disgruntled. "I can't believe this. That was a sucky ending," he said siding up to Jack.

"Daniel!" Jack said exasperated "You're making it sound like we are making this up!"

"Didn't you?"

**_Now... the continuation! _**

**_

* * *

_**

"What?"

Daniel watched him carefully. "You make that all up didn't you?"

"Jack!"

He looked up "Yeah?"

Jacob gestured to him "I want to talk to you"

Jack escaped Daniel's clutches and went closer to him. "Yeah?"

"What's going on with you and Sam?"

Jack looked around wildly "Uhh, I think Teal'c needs me-"

"Jack, I'm totally ok with this, but as her father, I really think you should have spoken to me first-"

"What?" Jack demanded completely befuddled.

Jacob laughed. "Go for it... and now, farewell, I have to skeedaddle!"

Jack stood with his jaw wide open.

"O'Neill, if you continue to leave a certain part of your anatomy hanging down, a flying insect may-"

"Fly" Jack corrected "and... Will you excuse me?"

Teal'c allowed Jack to pass as a small smile crept across his face.

-----

Sam was engrossed the Replicator block she had been forced to leave to debrief when her dad hurried in.

"Hey Sam, I have to go"

She looked up guiltily. She had been so eager to return to the block she had forgotten all about him.

"Already?"

"Yeah"

She stood up, "Good to see you again Dad"

"Walk me to the gate room?"

She nodded and arm in arm they meandered to the gate room.

-----

"Bye Sam"

"Au revoir, mon general." Jack called as Jacob stepped through.

"I am unfamiliar with that term, O'Neill."

"Au revoir? It's French. It means ciao. Ciao means adios. Auf- wait... didn't we already go through this when Urgo was 'with' us?"

"You never finished it O'Neill"

"Oh, ok. Auf wiedersehen. Sayonara. Which all, very loosely translated, means…" he stopped. "Shoot. There is a rip in my jacket!"

'What does it mean O'Neill?"

Jack looked up "Goodbye"

The Jaffa looked exasperated "Then why do you not just say good bye?"

"Because Teal'c, we have many different cultures on our planet so there are many ways to say good-bye"

"I have noticed."

"So..." Jack began when Daniel hurried in.

"Jack-" he began.

"Not now Daniel" Jack said pushing past him. "My bed calls"

Carter stopped mid-sentence and turned slightly towards Jack.

"So, 'night everybody and... Ciao!"

Carter automatically finished her statement while her mind drifted back to one very special night in Jack's tent. He had said the exact same words. "Does it mean anything?"

"I beg your pardon?" Janet asked looking up "I didn't-"

"Nothing" Sam assured her "Umm, I think I'll hit the hay... catch you later Janet"

Janet looked at her watch and frowned. It was 6:00, nowhere near bedtime

* * *

Jack threw the ball and caught it. 107, 108, 109, 110. The little rubber hit the wall, bounced across room and into the hand of one Samantha Carter. 

"Hey sir" she said rather nervously. "Your ball"

He caught it automatically. "Thanks"

"What are for friends for?"

Jack stood up. "We need to talk"

She nodded.

He patted the end of his bed and she obediently sat down.

"So?" she asked.

"I never told you to take it easy did I?"

She paused "What?"

_"MAJOR CARTER!" he whined "That is insubordination!"_

_"You told me to take it easy!" she called _

_"Did not"_

_"Did too!"_

"When we were climbing up the stairs to enter the house," he explained.

She thought for a second then shook her head.

"I knew it"

A knock on the door made them both freeze for a second. Another knock was heard. Carter quietly rolled under the bed while Jack went to answer the door.

Under the bed, Carter watched as boots, tennis shoes and high heels entered.

"Doc, Daniel, Teal'c. What do you need?"

"To talk" Daniel said while Janet continued with "about Sam"

"Umm, this really isn't a good time..." Jack began nervously.

"On the contrary, I believe it the perfect time" Teal'c said, his expression blank.

"Yeah, we were going to do this later" Daniel said "But Teal'c insisted this would be a great time"

Jack gave Teal'c a pleading glance. If he knew Sam was in here, he could make this a real-

"Do you love Sam?"

Under the bed, Sam blushed. _Janet!_

"Uhh, guys, this is NOT a good time, come back tomorrow around 800, I'll-"

"Are you concealing something O'Neill?" Teal'c asked 'innocently'.

Sam froze.

Jack shifted his weight "No, no, not at all"

Sam rolled her eyes and looked around for something to do. A piece of paper caught her attention. She pulled it. A flood of pictures followed.

Daniel cocked his head "You hear that guys?" he asked.

Janet shook her head "I didn't hear anything"

Teal'c shook his head as Daniel looked at him questioningly.

"Oh, ok, anyways, Jack-"

Under the bed, she breathed a sigh of relief. Ignoring the paper, she flipped through the pictures and nearly gasped. There were fun ones with her in a clown outfit, one of her and Teal'c making snow angels, one of her in her swimsuit that she was obviously not aware was being taken, and some not from the planet. One was taken of her on his roof one night after they had killed Apophis (the first time that is), one showed her and Daniel fighting over the last cup of coffee in the commissary... there were dozens of pictures and all had one Samantha Carter in it. She got to the last one and froze. It was her and Jack, together, she was in a wedding dress.. What the heck? She flipped it over.

_You keep it. Maybe you and YOUR Samantha will get together in this reality. __  
__Thank you for everything._  
_The 'other'Sam._

She turned it over and noticed the long hair. A wave of sadness swept over her. They looked so happy! It wasn't fair! She had-

"Daniel, Janet, Teal'c. Leave. Now."

Sam stifled a giggle. How awkward poor Jack must be feeling. She put the pictures back under the bed and was about to put the paper back when the word 'personal' caught her eye. Her eyes widened.

-

Jack was in agony. He had heard the pictures fall and knew she'd look through them. He tried to focus his attention on the three intruders. When he heard a slight gasp he knew Sam had found the picture or… His eyes widened. Or his resignation form!

Carter stuffed the form under the bed and silently willed the guests to leave.

Teal'c had heard the gasp as well. "It is time for us to depart Daniel Jackson" he said evenly. "We shall continue this conversation later."

"But Teal'c-" Daniel began when Teal'c opened the door and pushed him out. Janet gave Jack a puzzled glance and hurried after him. Teal'c leaned closer to Jack.

"Do not be a fool O'Neill" and with that he left.

Jack shut the door and sighed. He turned around to see his 2IC on the bed.

"So sir. Anything you would like to tell me?" she asked casually.

_No_

"I can explain…" he began. "See-"

"Jack."

He sighed. "Samantha…" he half whined.

"Yes?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"Can we… go get…"

"Get what?"

He ran his hand through his hair. "Will you…" he stopped again. "Oh for cryin' out loud, Samantha Carter, will you go with me to O'Malley's?"

She grinned. "I'd love too."

-----

As Carter took her second bite of steak she sighed with pleasure. "Thank you sir"

"Anytime" he stopped playing with his soda. "So, what's the REAL story behind Zip-a-dee-do-dah?"

She froze. "Who says there is one?" she asked finally.

"No one"

She groaned. "There was a talent contest at Disney World. I entered and sang that. If you go there, my portrait still hangs in the hall.

He laughed. "Go Sam"

She rolled her eyes "So sir… you're retiring?"

**THE END!**

* * *

This was such a fun story to write and...

APRIL FOOLS!

Sorry, this is **NOT THE END!**

Couldn't resist... it was my friends idea! Muhahaha!

Didja like it? Nice long chap next time...

PLEASE review...


	18. Tubs, photos, babies and such things

**Gee, everybody thinks I'm evil. (evil laugh err... sniff)**

**THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!**

**And, I hope you like this chapter! **

**

* * *

**

**_Previously on Stargate SG-1... _**

As Carter took her second bite of steak, she sighed with pleasure. "Thank you sir"

"Anytime" he stopped playing with his soda. "So, what's the REAL story behind Zip-a-dee-do-dah?"

She froze. "Who says there is one?" she asked finally.

"No one"

She groaned. "There was a talent contest at Disney World. I entered and sang that. If you go there, my portrait still hangs in the hall.

He laughed. "Go Sam"

She rolled her eyes, "So sir… you're retiring?"

**_Now... the conclusion! _**

**_

* * *

_**

"I uhh... what?"

She gently swirled the liquid in her glass, "I found your retirement form Jack."

"I figured."

"Carter-"

She looked at him, eyes narrowed. "Why did you bring me here sir?"

"I uhh..."

She stood up, "I'm not doing this again."

"Doing what?" he asked genuinely puzzled.

"Call me."

"When?"

She looked into his eyes, "When it's time." and with that she kissed him.

She hurried out as Jack and half the male population watched her.

"Dude, she is so hot," a man from the next table, whispered.

"She's not yours to care about." Jack said glaring at him.

"You guys are like not going steady so if I want to like think she's like hot, I can."

Jack blinked. "You're what... 20?"

The 'man' blushed. "21 actually. Today's my birthday."

"Well Happy Birthday."

"Thanks. I'm Timmy."

"Jack."

"Do you like her?" he asked.

Jack shrugged, "I guess."

Timmy laughed, "Oh ho ho ho, you do, you do, you really, really do!"

"Will you shut up?" he snarled.

"Nope!" he said with a giggle.

"No more beer," Jack said snatching his glass away.

"Give it back!"

"No, I think not."

"But it's mine!" the boy whined.

"I think I'll-"

"Colonel O'Neill, what on earth are you doing?"

Jack lowered the glass, "General Hammond sir, I was just uhh..." he stopped, "Will you excuse me?"

He dashed out.

George Hammond stared after him, "There goes a strange man," he said solemnly.

----

Sam sat on her sofa, placing pictures in an album. She had over a hundred photos from their time on P4X-234. She slipped the last one in and closed it. Sometime, she'd show Daniel. The poor guy, she knew he felt out of the loop but she would make it up to him. She smiled fondly, that archeologist deserved a little tormenting. Maybe persuading the nice 'cook man' to not put out any coffee one day...

_Ding-dong _

Sam quick adjusted her makeup and hurried to the door. She pulled it open and there stood...

Daniel and Janet.

"Hey Sam."

She felt a sinking sensation, "Hey guys, come on it."

Janet handed her a basket, "My apology," she said with a grin.

"Chocolate, coffee, book, bubble bath... I accept."

"Can we go now?" Daniel asked eagerly.

Sam took in Janet's black dress, Daniel's suit...

"Guys," she asked slowly, "What going on?"

"Daniel's taking me on a d-a-t-e."

Sam stared at her 'brother' who was watching her carefully. "Take care of her son," she said in a deep voice, "Bring her home sometime before dawn so Cassie won't get suspicious about what you guys were doing and-"

"SAM!" Janet screeched while Daniel reddened.

"Opps!" she said with mock dismay.

"We better go now," Daniel said dragging his date towards the door.

"Bye!" Sam called innocently.

As the door closed, she seized the basket and dashed into the bathroom.

----

Jack pulled up to her house and studied it thoughtfully. The lights were off but her car was there. He turned off the ignition and got out. A few swift strides brought him to the door. He knocked and waited. No answer. He knocked louder, still no answer. He tried the doorbell. He turned the handle and froze. Sam always, always locked the door, even when she was home. Common sense told him that she must have forgot but instinct took over. Heading down the hall, he checked every room with his gun drawn. Bedroom, kitchen, living room, hall, bathroom…

----

Sam sank into the tub and sighed. Candles surrounded the bubbly bath and the smell of roses was in the air. She climbed in cautiously and set her book and chocolate on the stool next to her. She sighed and leaned back, enjoying the warm water. This was heave-

The door burst open and a man with a gun ran in. She did the ultimate girly thing- she screamed.

----

Jack lowered his gun. "Carter?"

"No, I'm her evil twin taking a bath. Sir, what the hell are you doing in my bathroom?"

"I-" he stopped, "Blaming me huh?"

"What?"

"Here I am thinking you are dead, or worse, kidnapped and I-"

"DEAD IS BETTER THEN KIDNAPPED?"

He stopped, "No, reverse those, and-"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BATHROOM?"

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"

"WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?"

"YOUR DOOR WAS UNLOCKED!"

She stared at him. "What?"

"You always lock your door."

She blinked. "You came into my house, waving a gun just because I didn't… lock my front door?"

"Not waving, pointing! Oh, and I knocked!"

She ignored that, "Sir, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself!" she sank deeper into bubbles and accidentally kicked the plug. The water began sinking.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" she cried as the water began draining.

Jack stood there, just staring at her.

"OUT!"

He blinked then promptly left.

She stared at the closed door for a second then calmly began blowing out the candles.

----

Jack paced the living room. It was a good room for pacing; it was long, it took about 13 strides to-

"Sir?"

Jack looked at her and every thought he had ever had about her (the ones General Hammond would not approve of) came rushing into his brain. She was wearing a robe that clung to her shapely form.

"Carter," He managed to get out. "I'm so sorry…"

"It's ok sir, I... understand."

He nodded.

"Sit down," she offered.

He sat then promptly stood up. She shrugged and sat down. "So... you wanted to talk?"

He stared at her for a moment before blurting, "Sam, can you change?"

She gave a startled look to her attire. "Why?"

"You are driving me to distraction!"

She blinked, "Is that bad?"

"Yes, no, well, yeah, sort of- I-, damn it Carter!" with one long step, she was in his arms.

_Later that night..._

Jack looked at his 2IC, "How'd you come up with that excuse?" he said curiously.

"Which one?" she asked with a laugh.

"Fish one."

"Oh," she paused, "I think it was because Daniel was making fish faces at me."

"I see."

"What about you and Teal'c? Who came up with the idea to lock us out?"

"Believe it or not, it really was Teal'c."

She snuggled closer, "Ok."

Jack stroked her hair, "You know Teal'c set that whole thing up?"

"What?"

"He... persuaded Thor to 'halt the progress of the gate's reactivation.'"

"Really?" she pursed her lips, "Remind me to send Thor something... and to buy Teal'c some more candles."

"I will endeavor to do so,"

Carter started then smacked him, "I really thought it was Teal'c!"

"So who retires?" he asked.

"Rock, paper, scissors? First to three stays?"

They nodded and readied their hands.

"Rock, paper, scissors," Sam chanted.

Jack had scissors, Sam had paper.

"One for me."

She nodded, "Rock..."

Jack had scissors again, Sam paper.

"This is rigged!"

"Now Sam, come on..."

She sighed, "Rock..."

Sam had rock, Jack scissors.

"One for me!"

"Rock..." Jack began.

Jack rock, Sam paper.

"Two-two!"

They took a deep breath.

Both had rock.

"Ok, last time..."

Sam's fingers formed paper as Jack fist turned into scissors.

Sam half sighed-half laughed. "I love you Jack O'Neill."

"I love you too Sam."

The two drifted off to sleep. As the clock struck two, a dark figure entered the room and took a snapshot.

----

_Four weeks later,_

Jack and Sam dashed out to the limo waiting outside the door, before closed the car door, he handed them an album.

"Enjoy."

Sam fidgeted and thanked him. As soon as the door shut, her hand shot down her back.

"What's the matter?"

"I have rice down my dress!"

"I can remove it when we get to the hotel..."

"Ha ha, very funny. What's in the album?"

She opened and gasped. "Jack, that's us..."

Picture after picture showed Sam and Jack in compromising positions.

"I'm so glad the General can't see this." Sam said fervently.

Her cell rang. "Carter-"she stopped, "Sam."

"When you get to your hotel, go to the SGC news page."

"Why?" she demanded. She groaned and hit the 'end call' button.

"What is it?"

She moaned, "Teal'c posted all these pictures... on the SGC news page."

Jack froze. "He didn't..."

"Why?" she asked suspiciously.

"Well, I uh.. posted mine..."

Carter stared at him disbelievingly, "Oh God, so did I."

----

Walter stared at the photo, "What is she WEARING?" he asked finally.

"Umm..." Siler squinted, "I think... nothing."

"No, it's one of those Hawaii bikini things!" one of the scientists insisted.

General Hammond crept up behind them as they moved to another picture showing Jack juggling... pancakes?

"What's going on?" he demanded.

Everyone flew to attention, "Sir, I... Major Carter and... I..." he trailed off miserably.

"I see." he hurried into his office and turned on his computer. Five minutes later, a loud peal of laughter was heard.

Everyone shrugged and went about their work.

----

One year later, Teal'c, Sam, Daniel, and Jack stepped through the gate.

"Wow. So this is the infamous place." Daniel muttered, "It looks so normal."

Jack and Sam rolled their eyes and hurried to the cabin.

"I am never doing this again," Sam panted as she reached the stairs and beamed herself up.

Jack looked at his pregnant wife and chuckled. "Your idea m'dear."

She nodded and looked around, "Admit it, it makes a great one year anniversary place!"

Jack looked at the balloons and crepe paper, "Yeah, really great."

The hours flew past, Daniel cooked hotdogs (Sam's latest craving) and they all sat around the table telling each other tales. Jack looked over at his wife mid-way through a story and stopped. "Sam, you ok?"

She laughed shakily and patted her bulging tummy. "Jacob wants to come out."

"You mean..."

"Yes Jack,"

"Oh for cryin' out loud!" he muttered, "Daniel, you have the most experience, you help her, I'll go make up the bed."

"What?" Daniel hissed, "I am NOT, I repeat NOT, delivering Sam's baby!"

"You have too!"

"No, I don't!"

"Who else will?" Jack demanded.

"O'Neill, the contractions are increasing in intensity!"

"Someone run for Janet!"

"I don't think we have time!" Sam yelled.

Teal'c watched his friends scurry about and smiled. SG-1 was always unpredictable.

----

The next morning an exhausted Sam cradled her baby in her arms.

"What are we going to name her?" she asked, "We only had boy names."

"Kayla?" Daniel suggested, "It means Pure and beloved. Its origin is from the Celtic/Gaelic and-"

"Daniel," Sam said sweetly, "Shh, you'll wake Kayla."

"Sorry," he whispered.

"Where's Teal'c?" Jack asked.

"He went to get Janet." Daniel said absently as he was busy looking at the little form.

"Wanna hold her?" Sam asked offering her to him. Daniel accepted eagerly. What little hair Kayla had was brownish.

"Oh Sam, she's beautiful." he breathed.

"I helped!" Jack pouted.

Daniel ignored him and looked down as she stirred. "She had violet eyes!" he cried.

"Grandmom did." Sam said quietly, "I thought she might."

The little mouth began sucking on air, Sam laughed. "Give her to me Daniel," she said holding out her arms. Daniel reluctantly gave her the baby. "Need anything?" he asked.

"Something to drink..."

He nodded and hurried out.

Jack sat on the bed and watched his daughter latch on to his wife's nipple and suck greedily. "She's beautiful Sam."

Sam nodded and stroked the soft hair, "She's so tiny Jack. What if I fail her? What if she hates me?"

"She won't Sam. You'll do fine. I promise."

She gave him a brilliant smile, "Thanks."

The door flew open and Jacob, Janet, George, Teal'c and Daniel flew in. As the baby was checked out and then passed around, Jack whispered to his wife,

"And this all happened because of P4X-234."

She kissed him, "I love you Jack O'Neill."

"I love you too."

Kayla chose that appropriate moment to scream for her mother.

Jack smiled, "That's my girl."

Teal'c took one last snapshot and added it to a new photo album. "I have begun collecting pictures for Young Kayla O'Neill." he explained.

Thus ends our time on P4X-234. Thank you for reading this.

**The End.**

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As I did rock, paper, scissors to see who would retire, every single time, Sam had paper and Jack rock. EVERY single time, isn't that bizarre?

I know it was a bit rushed near the end but... my apologizes if you didn't like it.

And (of course) I hope you liked it, **THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR READING (AND) REVIEWING!**

My faithful readers, I love you so much!

XXXX

Morgann

P.S. **PLEASE REVIEW!**


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